Some of us might feel shy or embarrassed when talking about our sex lives, whether it’s with our partners or the awkward dreaded sex talk with our parents
Although it may be uncomfortable or embarrassing to discuss sexual health, doing so improves our relationships and allows future generations to freely discuss sex, sexual health and intimacy.
The recent SexExpo at CTICC had tongues wagging and I was lucky enough to chat with one of the guest speakers, Jonti Searll, the creator of ErosLife.
With almost 20 years of experience in conscious sexuality, Searll shared some fascinating insights on the importance of sexual health and intimacy.
According to him, our sexuality is linked to every aspect of our lives – it’s our life force!
But let’s face it, sex is more than just procreation or intimacy. It’s a powerful force that can bring us closer to ourselves and our partners, and unlock a world of pleasure and fulfilment.
We get very little education about pleasure; the sex education we get is very fear-based and obstinate-based. It’s really more about how not to get pregnant and not how to get HIV, STIs etc.
He argued that we need to understand that education for pleasure is important. Then we need to put education for pleasure into context because most sex education is linked to fear.
“Sex and pleasure are intertwined. But a lot of what we do is largely influenced by our cultures. For example, in some cultures, a ritual is made once a young girl starts getting their period. It’s a time of great significance, they are celebrated into womanhood.
“If we start having celebrations rather than fear a lot of problems such as stigma, feeling shameful about natural things and fear are reduced so to speak. And we are a step closer to our goal,” said Searll in conversation.
He added, “Introducing safe and trustworthy avenues to speak about sex and make education accessible, especially young people and creating avenues to ask questions and where they can get trustworthy information and non-judgemental answers for all their questions without feeling judged is extremely important, to say the least.
“To say to a teenager for example DON’T have sex, is the most absurd thing to say to our children because they will have sex anyway. Rather, we normalise talking about sex in normal settings, without guilt, without shame and most importantly without embarrassment.”
The first exposure to porn today is about age 11 and that’s because of cellphones.
Children have access to so much but they do not have the right education that goes with it or guidance to navigate what goes with it. No one sits down with an 11-year-old and says this is what porn is and it’s very different from what real life is. It’s still uncomfortable for some, said Searll.
A 2019 report by Stats SA, reported that the teenage pregnancy rate in South Africa has declined from 33.5% in 2005 to 25.7% in 2017.
But it remains a significant issue, with an estimated 15,500 girls between the ages of 10 and 14 giving birth every year. South Africa has the highest HIV prevalence in the world, with an estimated 7.8 million people living with HIV in 2020, according to UNAIDS.
“Hence, why we are advocating to normalise sexual health, pleasure, and sexuality in all its holistic forms. But we cannot run away from the fact that it’s not as simple and easy, with generations of conditioning”, he said.
“A lot of people ask me how do I talk to my kids about sex and my answer has always remained the same – you cannot talk about sex if you are uncomfortable and embarrassed about it.
“First, you need to look at your own sexuality and then you have to ask yourself ‘can I be open enough to have this conversation’? If not then you need to point your children to someone who can be.”
Young people today are generally more open and receptive to new ideas regarding sexual identity, gender, and healthy relationships compared to the past.
Therefore, modern sex education should be re-designed and implemented to cater to their needs and interests.
By adopting a conscious sex education approach as a part of the curriculum for school students, young people are given the right tools to make informed decisions about their sexual health, claims Searll.
“I am not saying this is a quick fix or it will happen in two months, the more that we do it and the more we as parents, educators and the media make platforms available the more we can pivot change”.
