In the United States, a columnist for Nation Kenya described how the habit of lowering one’s gaze as a sign of respect for elders can be perceived in an American office as insincerity, avoidance, or disinterest. The article discusses the need to adapt one’s behavior in a new cultural environment, where direct eye contact is considered a sign of attentiveness and trust.
Respect for elders
The author explains that at home he was taught not to look older people directly in the eyes. When speaking with parents, teachers, or older relatives, he was expected to lower his gaze or look away. According to the column, such behavior meant respect and recognition of the interlocutor’s authority, while a direct stare could be seen as a challenge.
The author separately mentions a tradition in the Luhya community: when passing elders, one should look at one’s feet, and during a conversation, avoid direct eye contact. He also recalls a childhood incident when a relative reacted to his fixed gaze by asking whether he wanted to fight.
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Different rules in the office
In the situation described at an American office, his manager tried to make eye contact with him during a conversation, but he looked at the floor, her shoulder, or a plant behind her. Later, another African explained to him that in this environment, not looking people in the eyes is considered disrespectful.
The columnist writes that adaptation concerns more than just one’s gaze. Silence, which at home could be a sign of respectfulness, is perceived in another culture as awkwardness. A slow response, previously understood as thoughtfulness, may be interpreted as slowness. The author describes himself as a person with “two gazes” — one for his native environment and another for urban and professional life abroad.
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