Selma Shipanga
18 May 2011
Oh yes, we have! OK, there is also occasional talk, maybe more like whispers, of bosses who are close to sainthood (ermmmm maybe think John Paul II).
But where to classify Big Brother – that faceless voice that informs the goings-on in the Big Brother house – remains a question mark in my head.
What would your world be like if Big Brother was your boss?
I, for one, cannot picture Biggie as a boss I could warm up to and have a conversation with over a cup of coffee. I mean, I’ve tried countless times trying to put a face to the man or woman so as to figure out the nature of the person but to this day all my efforts have proved futile.
Based on the meagre personal information I’ve gleaned about Biggie over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that if Big Brother was a company, let’s call it Big Brother Enterprises, the logo is likely to read something like: “This is not a democracy. I am the law.”
For a moment, just take Biggie out of the whole Big Brother house set-up and place him in an office setting. Forget about the likes of Vimbai, Lotus and her red panga (hair cut, that is), and hunky Lomwe, also just for a moment, and try and imagine yourself in their shoes – Biggie is your employer/boss and you are his employee!
What sort of work relationship do you think you’d have with the ‘presence’ linked to your new, voice-of-command boss?
While I don’t know what each individual answer will be, I’m sure that if BiggieBiggie were to advertise a job vacancy at his company, it is likely to read like this:
Big Brother Enterprises is looking for a candidate with the following expertise to fill a position for the coming three months.
The suitable candidate should meet the following requirements:
* Be willing to be cut off from civilisation
* Be willing to give up their freedom of choice once they are in my employ.
* Can have a bubbly or reserved personality, as long as at the end of the day they know that I’m boss, I’m king, I’m the beginning and the end and everything I say goes.
* The suitable candidate can have an opinion about anything and everything but just know that at the end of the day, my opinion is the only one that counts.
* The candidate should be conscious that there are no permanent posts in my company and know that someone gets fired every week (just ask Jossy Joss who I fired on Sunday).
* Must know that fights between the candidate and other employees may break out and I will not intervene, until I deem it fit to do so.
* The public out there will judge the candidate’s performance and chart the course of the candidate’s stay with my company. Note that if the public does not like you, they may call you all sorts of names.
Responsibilities will include:
* The candidate will be subject to rigorous exercise routines and insanely thought out weekly tasks that may include posing in the nude.
* Eating what I provide without raising questions or debates
* Drinking what I provide without raising questions or debating it.
* Abiding by my rules, which I can change at any time, and instructions.
Things to keep in mind before you apply for this position:
* It’s endlessly said that life’s not fair. Well, I’m here to rub that in your face even more by telling you that at the end of the three months, my company will only pay one person. The rest will walk away knowing only that they worked for me – that’s all!
* Boys and girls, keep your gaze on the prize, that’s all you can do.
– You can catch all the action – 24/7 – on DStv channel 198.
AllAfrica – All the Time
Follow this link:
Big Brother Amplified – If Big Brother Was Your Boss!