​Can you stay friends with your ex? 5 practical tips as Tobey Maguire officiates wedding of ex-wife Jennifer Meyer​

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Let’s admit it: Few things are as confusing as the aftermath of a breakup. One moment, you’re sharing jokes and future dreams with someone, and the next, you’re splitting up your books, figuring out who gets the dog, and navigating weird silences with mutual friends. And just when you start settling into your “new normal,” your ex shows up with a new partner, or maybe even sends you an invite to their wedding. Are you supposed to smile and say congratulations? Or is the whole thing just too weird to manage?

Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer’s recent story tosses all these questions into the spotlight. Per Entertainment Weekly, Maguire actually officiated Meyer’s wedding to her new husband, Ogunlesi, a few weeks after their own divorce was finalized. That’s not the kind of post-divorce friendship most of us expect. Their story almost feels unreal; like proof that you don’t need to end things with bitterness or icy silence. But let’s not kid ourselves: staying friends with an ex takes real work, and it’s definitely not for everyone. It demands honesty, patience, respect, and more than a splash of practicality.

So what can you learn from their example? Here’s how you might approach the tricky business of being friends with an ex, and five ways to make it actually work.

When a relationship ends, especially one where your ex was your confidant, your best friend, and maybe even your co-parent, you might be tempted to keep them close. But even if you agree to stay friends, your emotions don’t just turn off like a light switch. You really need time to sort through the messy feelings like anger, regret, the sense of loss, maybe even relief. Grieving what you pictured for your future is part of it. If texting your ex pulls you right back into old pain, it’s okay to press pause. In a Psychology Today piece, psychologist Ann Gold Buscho points out that it’s crucial for both exes to accept that the relationship really is over before a genuine friendship can start. Friendship has to be a fresh start; not a way to avoid loneliness or cling to hope.

Are you hoping to slide back into their life someday, or do you honestly just want a platonic relationship? It matters. Research highlights that people stay friends for different reasons: from emotional security to practical perks, or maybe just being civil. But friendships based on that lingering romantic hope? Those often lead to bigger headaches and messy feelings. Ask yourself: If your ex never came back, would you still want to be friends? If the answer is no, that’s your cue to take more space and let things settle.

Friendship with an ex isn’t simply “business as usual.” You definitely can’t keep the same level of intimacy you had as partners. Maybe you need rules about late-night calls, sharing personal details, or what goes on social media. Boundaries help you both figure out where you stand, and they’ll probably shift as time goes by. When one of you starts dating again, don’t get sucked into rivalry drama or expect your ex to put your feelings first. Healthy friendships give both people room to grow and move forward, not act as emotional stand-ins.

When there are kids in the mix, the breakup doesn’t stop the partnership; it just changes it. Your children need parents who can communicate, handle disagreements like grown-ups, and not drag them into an emotional tug-of-war. Maguire and Meyer say their focus on their kids has helped them stay connected after the breakup, making shared family moments possible.

But don’t confuse putting kids first with pretending everything is always rosy. Keep parenting talk practical, avoid using kids as messengers, and agree on how new partners fit into the picture. If you can build a solid co-parenting relationship, even if you never become true friends again, you’ve done something right.

Not every ex should become your friend. Sometimes, relationships end simply because you’ve grown apart, and sure, mutual respect is possible. Sometimes, though, breakups involve cheating, hurt, or even abuse, and in those cases, keeping your distance is not just smart; it’s necessary. According to that same study in Personal Relationships, the reasons you stay friends will shape what kind of friendship evolves. A civil “let’s keep the peace” relationship might work, but deep friendship isn’t always in the cards. You don’t owe your ex a spot at your dinner table, a like on Instagram, or a smile at their wedding to prove you’re healed. You also don’t have to harbor resentment for years. Just let yourself choose what’s healthiest for you.

Absolutely, but only when both people are ready and the friendship helps, not hurts. It means admitting the romance is truly over, sticking to boundaries, and letting each person build their separate life. Maguire officiating Meyer’s wedding is a wild, rare example, sure, but it shows that sometimes a relationship can become something new, without erasing the shared history, affection, or family.

But the goal isn’t being a flawless wedding guest or smiling through awkward moments. It’s being able to wish your ex well, knowing that you’ve looked after your own heart along the way.

Sometimes you can be friends. Sometimes you need to stay apart. And sometimes, the most honest ending is simply recognizing that your history mattered, even if your future doesn’t include each other anymore.