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Thursday, September 29, 2022

Have you had a fight with your partner? 3 Simple Ways on How to Fix a Relationship After a Fight

1.Accept responsibility.

Take ownership for what you contributed to the fight. Admit that you accused your partner, said something mean, or spoke before having all of the information. Admit if you’ve been emotionally closed off, running on empty, taking your stress out on this person, or taking the person for granted. Take responsibility for your words and actions without blaming.

Say, “I know I contributed heavily to this fight. I’ve been working overtime at work which has caused me a lot of stress, and I’ve been taking out this stress on you. I haven’t slept well in weeks, so I feel overly sensitive and irritable, and these feelings definitely contributed to the fight.”

2. Validate each other.

Take a moment away from the specific subject of the fight and focus on validating each other’s feelings. Listen intently when the person speaks. Avoid interrupting or jumping in with your opinion or perspective and instead, allow the person to complete each thought. Lower your defenses and open your heart. Talk about each of your perspectives of the situation, keeping in mind that there is no “wrong” perspective.

For instance, the fight may have been about finances, but this person may have been triggered by a fear of not having enough money and lashed out. Instead of fighting about money, acknowledge your partner’s fear and validate those feelings.

3. Talk about the feelings involved.

Without jumping back into the fight, talk about what feelings, situations, and other factors led to the poor communication. Specifically, talk about your feelings. What were you feeling before the fight? What about during the fight? Ask these questions to this person and discuss your feelings clearly and openly.

You may have felt tired, lonely, hungry, or overwhelmed before the fight. Perhaps you were feeling stressed from work or school and carried the stress home with you.

During the fight, you may have felt ignored, defensive, criticized, misunderstood, fearful, overwhelmed, ashamed, or unloved.

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