Dear Coleen
I’ve been married to my wife for 11 years and like most couples, we’ve been through both ups and downs but have largely been happy throughout.
We have many mutual interests and have always shared a particular passion for ornithology – we’ve been loyal members of our local birdwatching community for a very long time.
The thing is, a few weeks ago, a new member joined our group and both I and my wife did our best to make him feel welcome.
He seems like a nice man-friendly, easy-going and really knowledgeable about our feathered friends.
My wife in particular seems to have clicked with him, to the extent where I am now wondering if something is going on between them.
She is spending more time in his company than in mine when we’re all together during the gatherings and I have also noticed him calling her his “little sparrow” when eavesdropping on their conversations.
Do you think I should speak to my wife about my concerns, or am I just being paranoid? I’d love your opinion on it.
Coleen says
Well, the term “little sparrow” does seem a bit overfamiliar from a bloke she’s just met.
You obviously feel insecure and worried your relationship is being threatened, so of course, you should bring it up with your wife.
The trouble is, now you have this idea in your head that something might be happening, you’re going to be constantly looking for other signs and your insecurity (or paranoia) will grow.
Maybe they have clicked, but there might be nothing else to it. He obviously knows she’s married and you’re with her at these gatherings.
You don’t have to talk to your wife in a confrontational way or accuse her of anything. Just point out she’s spending more time with him than she is with you, which you don’t like, and it’s making you feel a bit insecure.
She might not even realise she’s doing it or may have to be honest with herself and admit she’s getting too close to him.
It’s always better to tackle these things straightaway than let suspicion run riot in your head, because that in itself is very damaging to a relationship.
Trust is fundamental and it sounds like you need some reassurance.