Maybe you have spotted a girl out in public that you want to get to know, but you don’t know how. Maybe you’re shy or considered “socially awkward” by most, or maybe just not really into the whole “dating game” and don’t really know how to approach someone that you’re attracted to. Cold approaching anyone can be a tough process, especially if you’re unsure of how to start a conversation. However, it’s possible to cold approach a girl and have the interaction go fairly smoothly.
Look your best. You don’t need to head out in a suit and tie in order to meet women, but it’s important to at least look presentable before you head out. Shower if you haven’t already, apply deodorant, wear clean clothes that fit you, and brush your teeth. Comb your hair if it’s long, too, and make sure your facial hair is in check. Taking care of yourself is one of the most important things when trying to approach women, since your appearance contributes to the first impression they get.
Just go. When you see a girl you want to talk to, approach her confidently without wasting time. Now that you’re out and can meet girls, don’t waste time overthinking or ruminating. Don’t make excuses. Delaying it will only make it worse, and there is a good possibility that you may end up getting mad at yourself, and most likely giving up. Getting mad at yourself is just more negativity on top of negativity, so it’s important that you reduce lag-time between approaches. Just go! Of course, if there’s a genuine reason for you not to approach her (for example, she’s clearly focused on something else, or she’s working a job), listen to your gut instinct. Most people don’t like being broken out of their focus, and you don’t want to distract her from her work.
Find a way to strike up a conversation. It can be hard to begin a conversation when you have nothing to talk about, but it’s not impossible. When coming up with a conversation starter, try to come up with something that will hook you both into the conversation and keep it going. A great conversation-starter can be key to making a new friend, or getting a girlfriend. You can always go with a question that anyone would ask, such as, “Hi, do you know if there’s a coffee shop around here?”, but the downside to this is that you may not have much to talk about with that kind of opening.
Have good body language. How you present yourself is very important when it comes to having a good conversation. Having open body language is crucial, as you don’t want to seem nervous or cranky when you’re approaching a girl, and good body language can make the conversation go as well as possible. Try to do the following to show the girl you’re interested:Maintain eye contact. Eye contact shows a girl that you’re interested in what she has to say. Don’t stare her down, though, or she’ll become uncomfortable.
Gauge her interest. You don’t want to get so wrapped up in what you’re saying that you completely ignore whether she actually wants to hear what you have to say. Her body language is a prime indicator of interest, but that’s not all you can use to judge how interested she is. Things like openness about herself, whether she focuses all her attention on the conversation, and how much she’s talking can be indicators of how interested she is. A conversation isn’t a solo act – she has to be contributing, too! Open body language, a genuine smile, laughter, and carrying on the conversation without having to be prompted are signs that she’s fairly comfortable.
Carry on the conversation. She may be someone you don’t know, but she very likely hangs out with her friends, has hobbies, works, studies, has a life story, family, music, movies, has other interests, and so forth. These things should be enough to make you feel curious about her. Finding out more about her can be a great way of getting to know her and keeping the conversation going simultaneously. Getting her to talk about herself is key to finding out more about her – and thus, finding new avenues of conversation. Learn about her interests. Asking her what she likes to do for fun is a good start. If you saw her doing something that could be seen as a hobby (e.g. you met her at the gym, or saw her painting something), it’s also great to ask her if she likes to perform that activity (e.g. “Do you like painting?” or “Do you come to the gym often?”).
Ask her on an “instant date” or make plans for the future. conversation is going well and you’re both having fun, then ask her out for a coffee or beverage. It doesn’t have to be a big proposal; a simple “Have you got anything to do after this? I was wondering if you wanted to go for a coffee afterwards” can work magic.Planning a theoretical future date is a great way to flirt. If she says that she’s busy immediately afterwards, try to arrange a time when you can see each other again. Noncommittal answers or not making concrete plans to meet you, as well as constantly sidestepping making plans (e.g. she always has “something to do” on every suggested date and time) is a sign that she’s not interested in seeing you again, and that you shouldn’t press the matter any further.
Get her phone number. conversation is going well, ask for her phone number and call her later. For example: “You seem like someone I would like to get to know better. How about we exchange numbers and talk sometime later?”. Don’t necessarily wait for the end of your conversation to ask her for the phone number. Do it when you feel you have reached a very powerful connection with her during the conversation and it just feels the right moment to do so. It’s called window of opportunity. Use it wisely. Call or text her within the next day or two of meeting her. This is very important, as the more you delay contacting her, the more likely she’s going to forget who you are and lessen your chances of seeing her again.
Wrap up the conversation well. Even if the approach has gone wonderfully and you both feel like you could spend the entire day talking to each other, the conversation does have to end at some point, and it’s important to leave her wanting more. When it’s time to go, tell her that you’ve enjoyed talking with her – and if the conversation went well, ask her for her phone number or make plans for meeting again. Cold approaching is all about making a good impression, and it’s important to leave her with an impression that makes her want to see you again!
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