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Thursday, May 19, 2022

If Your Boyfriend Is Using You For Sex, Just Use These Approaches To Get Over Him

Getting over someone who used you for sex is hard. It’s hard to accept that the feelings you had for someone were not necessarily returned. To get over a guy, start by limiting contact. Stop calling, texting, and emailing. Manage your emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, but remember it’s not your fault if someone did not want the same type of relationship you did. You probably just wanted different things. Lastly, stay busy. New hobbies and goals can prevent you from returning to a negative situation.

Stop contacting him. If someone is clearly only using you for sex, you should not keep reaching out to them. If more of a relationship was going to develop, it would have by now. Once you realize you’re not getting what you want from a situation, stop contacting the person in question. Do not see the person at social events, text him, or call him. If you feel the temptation to reach out to him, do something for yourself or hang out with another friend. You might make an agreement with another friend that whenever you feel tempted to contact him, you contact your friend instead. In some cases, it’s not possible to completely cut someone off. If you work or go to school with the guy, for example, you may need to see him. If this is the case, keep interactions short and to the point. Do not engage in small talk.

Ignore late night texts and phone calls. If a guy is using you for sex, he may text or call late at night. You may get a text message at 1 AM, for example, asking if you’re still awake. This is a sign the guy wants to come over for sex. Do not answer these texts. It will only prolong the situation, resulting in you getting hurt more. Start simply ignoring this kind of contact. guy keeps sending these types of texts after you’ve ignored them for a while, text him something like, “I don’t want this kind of relationship anymore. Please stop texting me.” When someone is used to a certain behavior and getting a certain reward and this suddenly stops working, they will often try harder for a time before giving up. Stand firm. They will eventually move on.

Cut off social media contact. The social media connection can be difficult to sever. Oftentimes, we hang on to past lovers via things like Facebook and Twitter; however, research indicates checking up on someone online will only prolong your anguish. Block or delete him on social media profiles, or at least unfollow him. Sometimes, it’s very tempting to check an ex’s social media; however, doing so will not result in you feeling better, so do your best to not indulge in the practice. Each time you are tempted to click on his profile, remind yourself it will only result in you feeling bad and set you back in your efforts to get over him. You will probably slip up a few times in regards to checking your ex’s profile. If this happens, do not beat yourself up. Remember that no one is perfect. Consider taking a break from social media altogether until you are feeling stronger. This can help you focus on other activities and practice good self-care. Another option is to just delete these apps from your phone, leaving only the less convenient option of using your computer.

Allow yourself to experience your feelings. No one likes to feel bad after being rejected; however, it’s impossible to bounce back from being hurt without experiencing some negativity. In the wake of ceasing contact with the guy, allow yourself to feel your feelings instead or denying or trying to bury them. This can be a painful,confusing experience. Be compassionate with yourself as you sort through your emotions. Remember that being sad sometimes is a normal part of life. People may tell you to cheer up or go get over it long before you are ready, but it’s okay to be sad for a little while. Take a few minutes each day to simply experience your feelings, good and bad. This will allow you to heal. Try journaling or talking to a trusted friend to help you process these emotions. It is important to honor your feelings this will help you heal.

Be realistic about what the relationship was. You won’t be able to get over a guy unless you accept what your relationship was. If you’re still indulging the notion that he was maybe interested in more than sex, you’re only prolonging the grieving period. Own up to the fact you were used, even if it’s painful. When you can acknowledge that this person wasn’t interested in you beyond a sexual encounter, it can help you accept that they weren’t the right person for you. In the wake of rejection, people often have unrealistic thoughts about the importance of a relationship. You may find yourself thinking everything would be easier if he had not rejected you. Remind yourself there’s no such thing as perfect. What would have happened if you had gotten together in a more romantic sense? There would still have been difficulties and fights, and you may very well have broken up. The fact is, the guy was not interested in more than sex and, even if he were, he may not have made a very good partner.

Recognize it isn’t your fault. In the wake of rejection, it’s easy to spend time ruminating over what you did “wrong.” You may think things like, “Why doesn’t he want to be with me? What’s wrong with me?” Try to ignore these types of thoughts. The fact is, there are many reasons someone may not feel for another person romantically. It likely has little to do with you. There are many reasons, most of which are not personal, that a guy may have not had romantic interest in you. Maybe he liked you and was attracted to you, but felt like you were on different paths in life. Maybe he’s not in a place where he can handle a romantic relationship. Maybe he simply prefers a different type of woman for romances than he does for casual encounters. Whatever the reason, it probably has nothing to do with you as a person. You might have rejected people before and it likely wasn’t because there was something wrong with them.

Take note of his bad qualities. Sometimes, it can be helpful to remember the things you disliked about someone when trying to get over a romantic rejection. Even embracing small flaws can remind you the relationship, and the guy, were not perfect. Think about everything about him that bothered you. Maybe he talked about himself too much. Maybe he returned texts using brief, one word answers. Maybe you didn’t like the same books or movies. You can also focus on petty things. Maybe you hated his haircut or he never clipped his toenails. Write these down and review them regularly. You may even post them on your mirror or somewhere you will see them frequently. This will help keep you from idealizing the relationship.

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