Dear Bunmi,
I turned 40 a few weeks ago and would very much like to have a child before it’s too late. I got married to my husband less than three years ago, and initially, sex with him was great but in the last one year, he has not been performing properly.
He gets an erection, but will lose it before we have sex or will come so quickly he doesn’t have time to get inside.
I’ve tried to get him to seek medical help, but he says he’s too embarrassed. I’m worried that unless he seeks help, I’ll never get pregnant and my dream of being a mother would be lost. What can I do to help?
Anita, by e-mail.
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Dear Anita,
It can be very difficult to admit that you’re having problems with sex though it’s obvious all is not well in your bedroom! Erectile problem can be due to physical or psychological stresses, and often a mix of both.
Assure your husband that his doctor will be able to examine him and reassure him physically, but you need professional help yourself in order to tackle the emotional problems that affect his performance.
At 40, it is obvious why you’re desperate to have a baby. A woman’s natural fertility begins to decrease after 35 years and the success rates of fertility treatment fall as you grow older too.
Do you think you might be putting so much pressure on your husband that he’s finding it difficult to perform?
Imagine the stress of knowing your body can’t deliver what you both want so direly. The first step is to realise that as a couple, you need help.
See your doctor as soon as you can, as tablets like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, can improve his erection and help him last longer during sex too.
Then seek help to explore how you can move forward together. In the meantime, you need to relax and hope for the best.
