“It’s raining like crazy out there!”
What registered was the first statement uttered when an attractive female co-worker walked into my office on a rainy day a couple of years ago. Her unintentional and innocent statement triggered an instant, raging standing ovation. I happened to be sitting down behind my desk at that moment and was I glad. It took just seconds for me to mentally visualize her screaming the words “I am so wet!” in an intimate setting. Sitting behind my desk, I was able to conceal the troubling evidence of my overly excited state. To make matters worse, her wet blouse was clinging tightly to her skin, clearly outlining her form. Talk about a torturing moment!
“Please leave!” I kept screaming in my head. But no! For the next excruciating five minutes, she stood in my office talking about an upcoming project. All this while, I was praying for matters to settle down quickly.
Then she asked, “Are you ready to go?”
“Go where?” I nervously asked
“The executive meeting is in two minutes. Didn’t you get the memo?”
At that point, nothing on earth except for an earthquake or fire was going to make me leave my safe zone. There was no way I was getting up from behind my desk. I politely asked her to proceed without me and to my relief, she obliged.
Please note that I am not a sex therapist or an expert. I am just a guy who has gotten a lot of unwanted and sudden pop ups over the years. Maybe I am just one frisky dude! My views, therefore, are just mine alone. That said, I am willing to bet that my brethren have had very similar experiences and can relate to my plight. I speak for most men when I state that we do not want sudden pocket rockets in public which may cause wandering eyes to view us as perverts. While getting a sudden and unwanted pop-up may be a nuisance especially at ungodly moments, I can assure you these occurrences are completely normal for most men.
I am not objectifying women in any way by sharing my experiences with unwanted standing ovations. I am discussing biological matters that most men deal with on a daily basis. Case in point; men wake up most mornings already alert. This happens in sleep so we are clueless as to what is happening. That thing is always awake before I am. “What a waste!”
There are some universal turn-ons that most men can all agree on. These include things like women wearing sexy and tight fitting clothing, flirting, talking in a sultry voice and wearing a low cut blouse which leaves little to the imagination. My focus, however, is on the women who innocently and unintentionally cause unwanted pop-ups.
A woman’s physical attributes and words per se do not immediately cause an arousal in most men, myself included. Our strong libidinal desires cause the arousal when our imaginations start running wild as a result of something a woman said, a glimpse of a particular body part or an action she takes. Men are not only visual, we are also very imaginative. Sometimes simply talking to a woman over the phone or texting can cause unwanted standing ovations especially when the subject of sex comes in. Other times, it happens when the man is touched somewhere like on their ears, neck, or face. A simple hug at church can result in an unwanted pocket rocket. We are not even safe in church.
God forgive me for this revelation. Growing up, I had the opportunity to serve at church as a mass server on a few occasions. Communion time was always a torture for me. The priest and the mass servers always stood on an elevated position to serve communion. I was responsible for holding the plate underneath the parishioners chin to prevent the communion from accidently falling on the ground. My elevated position offered a bird’s eye view of women who had low cut blouses. To make matters worse, the slight parting of highly glossed or painted lips of some women to accept the communion put unholy thoughts in my young head. I was always grateful that the robes we wore as mass servers offered plenty of space to hide the unexpected excitement.
Permit me to share more of my personal experience with embarrassing and unexpected spontaneous excitement.
I was out driving with a female friend recently. She had on a jacket with a zipper. As we were chatting and laughing over silly stuff, she started playing with the zipper. She would pull the zipper down slowly sometimes and zip it up again. Even though I was driving, peripheral vision drew my attention to her every time she pulled the zipper down slowly. Maybe it is just me but she was driving me crazy! All I could think about was her taking off her clothes. I was beginning to get excited and I needed to stop her before things took an awkward turn. I politely asked her to stop playing with the zipper.
“Why?!” She inquired playfully with a smile.
“Because you putting naughty thoughts in my head, that is why!” I lamented.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Sorry, I did not know that playing with my zipper was enough to get you all excited!” she argued
“Well, that is because you know very little about men,” I said to her.
There is one interesting moment during my youth worth sharing. I attended an all male catholic seminary high school in Ghana and a couple of my mates were in the junior seminary training to be priests. These guys were the most pious group of fellas I knew. I visited their mission house one time and as we stood around chatting in the dining room, a young lady who volunteered in the mission house walked in with a tray of water bottles. She lost her balance and some of the bottles fell. As she bent down to pick them up, her low cut blouse gave us a full view of her generous assets. I could not help but notice the silence which befell the room the second she bent down. It was so silent that you could have heard a pin drop. The silence caused me to look at my seminarian friends. They were all still quite busy staring at the young lady’s cleavage. Men will be men as they say, right? Even the most respectable men I know cannot resist looking when an attractive girl bends down giving a sneak peek of her cleavage.
Instances where a woman’s chest area caused me to have a spontaneous pocket rocket, are too numerous to count. The twin pair are a powerful ammunition that women can deploy to attract or distract men and cause all kinds of embarrassing situations. Anything to do with cleavage is usually a guaranteed turn-on for most guys.
A woman wearing a buttoned up shirt may not be aware that there are little gaps in-between the buttons which offer sneak peeks of her assets. Depending on how attracted you are to the woman, the slightest hint of her cleavage will most likely, cause some wild imaginations.
The sight of a stiff “tip” protruding in a woman’s blouse can cause unwanted pop-ups in some men. Stiff “tips” in a woman’s chest area are a sight most guys will find irresistible. I had dinner with a young lady once on a cold night out in Chicago. I guess the cold caused her “tips” to stand at full attention through her thin blouse. She must have caught me staring a few times because she stopped at one point and asked, “Is there something wrong with my top?” Busted!!
A seat belt and a purse strap are two everyday items women use without thinking of its capacity to cause pocket rockets. A seat belt which sits tightly on your chest can demarcate and accentuate your assets. A purse strap can also have the same effect when you wear your bag cross-body.
Dancing can be an erotic activity as some dance moves mimic sex. Dancing in a close and intimate manner can turn on both sexes. Women, however, hold all the power with dance moves which arouse men. Close contact dancing is a sure way for most men to experience spontaneous pop-ups. I am convinced women are painfully aware of their ability to tease men on the dance floor and most show no mercy.
We are Africans and most of our women love to dance with their backs facing men. If she is comfortable dancing sensually with you, be rest assured that her rear will come crashing, rubbing and grinding against your baby maker. Some women gain a lot of satisfaction in their ability to cause pop-ups in men while dancing. I was once on a dance floor with a woman who boldly stated that I could resist developing a standing ovation for only 45 seconds. She was totally wrong; my pant size dimensions were altered significantly after 25 seconds.
Women have very little clues about the struggles most men endure in situations where words, looks, and actions cause instant sexual excitement. The struggle is so real that when some of us are shopping for dress pants, we sometimes test the fabric’s ability to contain standing ovations.
It is quite common for men to opt for boxer briefs when out on a date or at a party. Boxer briefs do an excellent job of keeping everything in place; making the pop-up conundrum a non-issue. Placing your hands in your pockets to control the trajectory of your buddy in the oven and hold the thing in place works sometimes. If all options fail, most men switch their thoughts to something unpleasant to tone things down. I typically divert my thoughts immediately to a mean looking Nun with thick glasses holding a ruler.
Women are the lucky ones in the sudden and unwanted excitement department. There is no obvious physical evidence exhibited when they experience unexpected sexual arousal. Men, on the other hand, have to contend with unwanted pop-up issues in areas we cannot easily control.
I do not have the numbers to back up anything I discussed since I did not conduct a study on this topic. What I shared are my own hard facts based on my experiences.
Stay uplifted, my friends!
By: Kwadjo Panyin