For many people, their feelings in relationships run like a pendulum. On one side of the pendulum, they fall in love and have a rosy outlook of life . They are in love with themselves and the world around them. They are all over each other and think they will live happily ever after because they think love is all they need and their lovers can do no wrong.
The next moment, they are on the other side of the pendulum. Their romantic feelings are gone and see the realities of human life. They get angry, hurt and bitter and want their lovers to suffer for the pains they have suffered.
Some go as far as killing their lovers physically or through occults sometimes called ‘African electronics’.
Spousal killings are on the rise in Ghana. For example, the Human Right Advocacy Centre (ARDC) in a recent report showed that between January 2010 and July 2012, there were 63 cases of spousal killings.
This could only be a tip of the iceberg because in Ghana, most spousal killings are covered up because it brings shame and stigma to an entire extended family and their generations to come.
There are also those who do not want their lovers dead but want anything next to it. Last year, a lady called to say she wanted her husband to be very poor. The reason is that when he was poor, he stayed at home and was very loving and caring but when he became rich, he abandoned the family.
Another lady also called to ask for a prescription that makes a man impotent. She said her husband was chasing women of all frequency range.
She rarely gets her share. If her man goes impotent ‘na abo yen nyinaa’ or then we all lose it.
Why ill wish for a lover?
Jealousy: This is a threat of loss of success because of an influence from a perceived rival. No one loves the feeling that someone appears to take what you cherish most.
A man wants to feel he is in total control of his woman. We all have this animal instinct. You fight back and may end up in the loss of a lover.
Envy and greed: This is the feeling to possess what a lover has. This is common even in relationships where we are supposed to work as a team and support each other.
Today, there are many cases of partners poisoning or arranging for their lovers to be killed so that they can take over their properties.
Poor choice: Studies show majority of partners regret marrying their partners. They see a better lover and would like to leave but are held back by legal, social and religious constrains. Death of a lover would be an escape route
Revenge: Some partners are deeply hurt by the abuse they suffer in their relationships. They lack the ability to forgive and may decide to pay back with the ultimate.
For example, cheating is said to be the most harmful emotional damage a woman can do to her lover. This explains why today, there are many cases of Ghanaian men who kill their wives because they are suspected to be unfaithful.
Do you want your lover dead?
A relationship or marriage is entered into freely and willingly. Anybody in a relationship has the basic human right to leave a relationship for any reason. No one should sacrifice his or her right to leave an unfulfilling relationship.
This means you never take a revenge on a lover who leaves you because in the end, It brings regret and hurt. This wish harms you more than anyone else.
Psychologists assert that revenge takes so much positive energy that the human body cannot handle it.
Never try to correct a wrong act by a wrong action. Choose to forgive.
If you want to live and do well in life, wish the same for your lover who may have hurt you.
If you think life is worth living, wish the same for your lover no matter how badly he or she may have treated you. This is the first step to happiness and success in life .
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your guide to Marriage’ ‘Love Unlimited’ and ‘The journey of love’