Is It True That Men Are Natural Predators?

The Citizen (Dar es Salaam)

Mlagiri Kopoka

16 June 2011

analysis

There is this notorious male patriarchal tradition of keeping a mistress or two in Bongo known as nyumba ndogo. From the folklores it seems to be a universal male hobby and it dates back to biblical days. In some cultures it’s no big deal while in others it becomes a source of endless domestic wars and bitter divorces.While Ryan Giggs is dishing out thousands of pounds to keep the stories of his nyumba ndogos under the carpet, Mzee Zuma is considering taking a fifth wife.

Poor Tiger Woods is yet to recover from the bitter divorce that seems to have drained out the golf genius in him. The former World Number One has won absolutely nothing since then.

Meanwhile, Mzee Berlusconi in Italy has failed in a bid to enact a law that would have exempted him from attending court proceedings regarding buying sex from a minor. It is just everywhere!

At the male dominated talk at Kijiwe a guy is furious about being exposed that he has a concubine “Who told you that Binti was my lover,” he shouted in anger.

According to Bongo traditions having a nyumba ndogo is no problem. The problem is when people start gossiping about it; “umbeya.” “Even if you get mad at me, the truth will remain so. I wonder why you are shouting at me while everyone knows about you two,” came a calm reply.

“Do you know that you are jeopardising my marriage because if my wife hears this, our family may disintegrate just because of people like you who keep spreading malicious stories,” he went on.

“Hey! Guys this is not getting us anywhere,” retorted another who had not intervened so far.

” Mbona, my wife knows that I have a nyumba ndogo and it’s no problem.”

“Really!”

“If she thinks she can’t co-exist then she can leave,” said the third guy arrogantly.

“My wife is such a pain in the neck,” lamented the first guy, who was now groaning like an old steam engine.

“She is interfering with my internal affairs.”

I was sitting at a table next to these guys. I almost burst in laughter at that “internal affairs” indeed.

The guy went on narrating, “I provide everything for the household but she can’t keep out of my affairs and if she gets to know this.”

It was obvious the guy had some genuine fear for his wife.

Then he went on, “I don’t know but I think some rumour mongers must have told her already. You know ladies love gossiping. The way he treats me these days. First, she comes to bed in a jeans trouser. I decided to just ignore that but now she doesn’t keep me any meals. When I ask her why? She replies by questioning if I had not eaten already, that she thought I would eat ‘there.’ When I demand to know where. She keeps playing a fool by just saying there, there, there…”

“Oh terrible! That’s what I really hate, my wife following me about,” said the third.

“Once you are married a woman thinks you have lost your art of seduction. You know we men need more than just one. You know?” he said.

Then their heads all turned towards Chiku the bar maid as she passed by towards the counter. On that day she was in a black jeans shorts and a red sleeveless blouse. Her braided hair was tied in a pony tail that swayed with her body as she moved.Yes, men are naturally predators. Aren’t they?

Mlagiri Kopoka is The Citizen correspondent based in Mwanza

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