What we learned this week… After Wayne Rooney’s hair transplant, what will he go for next – botox?

Wayne Rooney shows off his new hair transplant

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By James Daly

Wayne Rooney starts on the slippery slope of cosmetic surgery

Oh Wayne. How you have given WWLTW so much material throughout the season, and you continue to give, like a generous uncle. First we had Swear-Gate at Upton Park where Wazza let us all know just what he thinks of pitch-side cameras with a nice litle four-letter explanation. Then last month he celebrated Manchester United’s record 19th title the only way any of us know how; by shaving ’19’ into his chest hair. The man oozes class.

And now, the pièce de résistance; a self-conscious Rooney (who ever thought we’d be saying that?) checked himself into the Harley Street Clinic and emerged the other side with a beautiful head of hair. Our Wazza could put up with the baldness no longer and swapped a reported £30,000 for a new bonce and couldn’t be more excited.

“I’m delighted with the result,” he beamed on Twitter. “I was going bald at 25, why not? Anyone recommend any good hair gel?”

WWLTW could not be happier for Wazza. As a column that has had to also consider the option for a forehead that seems to be growing in size each day, the United No.10 will only get applause from this corner of the room. But it does show that Rooney is perhaps more style conscious than anyone thought. And what’s to stop him at a hair transplant? The guy is only 25 and cosmetic surgery is a famously addictive past-time. What odds we’ll see him turning up with a new nose, chin or even botox? Just two words of warning Wayne: Pete Burns. That is all.

England fans just can’t be bothered anymore

An important qualifier against Switzerland, at Wembley stadium, on the first weekend after the end of the season surely sounded like the perfect chance to send off the footballing calendar in style with a packed home crowd. Apparently not, as even though the Euro 2012 qualifier was officially a sell-out there were hundreds of empty seats still visible a good 20 minutes into the game.

And as a result the atmosphere was flatter than Wayne Rooney’s head before his hair transplant, and it must have had an effect on Fabio Capello’s men as the Swiss were able to swan into a 2-0 lead early on. And that’s a country who never seem to care about anything!

It must have had an effect on Darren Bent too as the forward fluffed his lines in front of an open goal at 2-2 and looked overawed by the situation, despite finishing as the Premier League’s top English goalscorer this season. Having said that, he does play for Aston Villa so he’s used to playing in front of hushed audiences.

The FA put it down to “apathy” on the part of the Three Lions’ fans; they simply weren’t that bothered about turning up late for the game. Or even at all, although the FA maintain Wembley was eventally full at some point, although when that was is anyone’s guess.

It’s a shame England games don’t seem to get the blood rushing like they used to, but maybe after such a thrilling end to the season – with the brilliant Champions League final between Barcelona and Manchester United just a week previously at Wembley – nothing was going to quite live up to it. In all respect, Valon Behrami and Gokhan Inler are hardly Xavi and Iniesta.

Yawn! | No-one gets that worked up about the Euro qualifier

James Milner is rubbish at construction

If James Milner ever offers to help you do some DIY, refuse! Do not let that man anywhere near any bricks and mortar because, judging by his display for England against Switzerland on Saturday, the midfielder has no idea how a wall works.

The Manchester City winger was part of a solid looking two-man wall with Theo Walcott as Tranquillo Barnetta lined up an innocuous looking free-kick but went for a little wander just as the Swiss midfielder struck the ball, allowing it to fly past him and deceive Joe Hart at his near post.

Suddenly 80,00 eyes (well those that were actually paying attention to the game and weren’t a) doing the crossword in the match programme; b) mulling over whether to buy an England themed jester’s hat or giant foam finger or; c) still ambling along Wembley Way to the game) were on Milner. Not for the right reason.

Cue a hands-on-head-ground-please-swallow-me-up moment from Milner, especially as the goal put Switzerland 2-0 up against a rather rubbish looking England side. It’s ok though, because Milner made up for it by going on to play another 40 minutes where he was so non-existent WWLTW was genuinly surprised to see it was him in the wall in the first place. “Wait, Milner played on Saturday?” was the reaction.

What we will learn this weekend…

Phil Jones (right) and Jordan Henderson might not have to try as hard for the England Under-21s now that their moves to Manchester United and Liverpool respectively have been all but wrapped up. And they’re up against those annoying talented youngsters from Spain. Expect a Jones own goal and a Henderson shocker, and everyone to start decrying how much it costs to buy English players from English clubs. Someone connected with Barcelona will say that Cesc Fabregas should leave Arsenal and return home to Catalunya. Arsene Wenger will again deny the Gunners club captain is leaving the Emirates. The rest of us will collectively yawn.

Mark Hughes needs some new pals

Oops. That didn’t go quite to plan did it, Mark Hughes? The Fulham manager walked out of the Cottagers this week citing a need for bigger challenges and despite claiming he didn’t have any in particular to go to, looking very much like he was heading for Villa Park only for Randy Lerner and Co. to go all gooey over Roberto Martinez instead.

Now, Hughes’ only big challenge is whether to get out of bed in time to watch Loose Women. How long his break from football will last is anyone’s guess but he’s hardly Carlo Ancelotti – who this week vowed to take a one-year sabbatical from football after a stressful time at Chelsea. Hughes barely broke a sweat on the sidelines as his Fulham side rose to a comfortable mid-table finish.

Although, let’s hand it to Hughes; he didn’t do a bad job at Craven Cottage this season. And to be totally fair; they do serve up some rather excellent chicken balti pies at the ground.

But maybe he has been invited by Carlo to join him on his break from the game, and after his agent Kia Joorabchian claimed he wanted to move to a bigger club but then distanced Hughes from the Villa job, he could do with some new friends.

Lasagne will be off the menu at Fulham

Welcome back to England Martin Jol! Reports had linked Steve McClaren with the vacant manager’s position at Craven Cottage but instead Mo-Mo Al Fayed plumped for a man whose Dutch accent isn’t so embarrassing. The former Tottenham boss arrives on the back of an impressive yet ultimately unsuccessful season at Ajax but had fond memories of his time in London; taking Spurs to two fifth-spot finishes.

Of course his side were just a bowl full of lasagne away from getting a coveted Champions League spot in 2006 but a final day defeat at West Ham – where food poisoning was blamed – meant they lost out to Arsenal for fourth spot.

It’s pretty safe to assume that while the Cottagers might not be aiming for the heady heights of fourth, there is no chance whatsoever that Jol will be feeding his team lasagne anywhere near a matchday.