My Lord, I am not half-mad: I am very okay up there and I am asking this honourable court to rule that henceforth, people should start wearing uniforms to church.
Uniforms that would make the men stop having erections in the church and also make the teenage boys stop having wild fantasies and unholy dreams at night simply because their eyes fell on someone’s dressing at church.
I mean the type of uniforms that would cover their nakedness and other important places, uniforms that would return some lost discipline and virtuous decency in the House of God.
My Lord, I was in church last Sunday and I staggered at the type of dressing I saw. It was just like a fashion parade and not different from the provocative ones I saw at the National Theater last Friday during the premier of a new Ghanaian movie ‘The King is Mine’.
My Lord, as men, we are moved by what we see and the type of things we see in church in recent times are rather worrisome. The fact that we have not complained does not mean we are not suffering.
A typical example was what the lady who sat by me last Sunday was wearing; not only a wickedly short skirt but the shoulders of the blouse had been cut so low that it exposed a good part of her succulent and good-looking breasts.
My Lord, what did not help matters was the fact that my church combines praise and worship with entertainment and I could not help but admire as she danced happily and gyrated her waist as if it was no one’s business. My Lord, the auditorium was quite warm and it became even warmer till I could feel my sweat dripping through the trench on my back as we danced.
Fortunately, the dance session ended and just when I started to thank my stars, I heard the announcements: grab the person sitting next to you by the hand, look straight into the person’s eyes and tell him or her ‘God loves you’ then give the person a hug.”
My Lord, the person seated next to me was the spicy damsel with the mini skirt so we obeyed orders and grabbed each other by the hand, looked into each other’s eyes but could not say a word.
As I looked her in the eyes, my eyes wandered downwards to her exposed breasts; they were firm, shinning with sweat and looked wet and slippery.
Just as that moment, my imagination went astray and I felt a warm sensation and a swell in my boxer shorts; I took a quick glance at her and realised the lady’s eyes had focused at the swell on my flap and was smiling as the swelling kept increasing. I felt embarrassed and became confused when I remembered that the Pastor had asked us to hug each other.
My Lord, the erected penis nodded aggressively right in the church auditorium as we hugged each other and I felt her sweaty body rub against my hairy hands. She felt ‘it’ warm and hard and I also felt her breasts soft and tender. When I took an inquisitive glimpse at the flaps of other men in the congregation, I realised some of them had similar swellings; some had theirs turned to the right, some to the left and others downwards.
My Lord, since we are talking about church here, permit me to quote what Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully is guilty of having had sex with her “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”
Honestly, if we are to go by this quotation, then the Church as a body should be quick in agreeing with me that we better decide to wear uniforms to church. After all, it is not a place to show off what our wardrobes contain. My second point is that there are many people who cannot attend church because they do not have anything to wear and feel shy as they watch other church members change form one designer clothes to another week after week.
As for what happened between the lady and my good self afterwards. I would shelve that for another day. I rest my case for now.