So ladies, I know sometimes you think that we, as men, have selective hearing and we don’t listen to anything you say. The truth is that there are just certain things you say, but we just HEAR something entirely different. Here are a few phrases that get lost in translation.
1. “We Need to Talk”
These are the absolute WORST words to any man’s ears, especially when they come from his woman! The first thing we do is start to replay the last few days and weeks to see what we may have done to possibly be put in the dog house. We start to second guess any and everything because never has anything positive, joyous or awesome happened after a woman says “we need to talk.” All we hear is “you done messed up now and I’m gonna rip you a new one!” Cringe! So ladies word to the wise, if all you want to do is talk about planning the next vacation or re-arranging the living room, do your man a favor and don’t start off the convo by saying, texting, email or sending by carrier pigeon “we need to talk.”
2. “I Just Want to Go Try This on Right Quick…”
Okay ladies, so you broke us down enough to actually come to the mall with you. We decided to be nice and make one of the biggest sacrifices known to man by walking into this store with you. And now you have 3 dresses, 3 shirts, and 3 pairs of pants in your hand and you say “I want to go try this on!” Oh, to you that’s normal, but what you don’t realize is that men don’t “try things on.” We find our size, take it home, and if it doesn’t fit we take it back. So when you say “I want to try this on” all we hear is “THIS IS GOING TO BE AN EXTRA HOUR IN THIS CROWDED AND HOT MALL!” The words “right quick” are a bold faced lie… And you know it!
3. “Let’s Go Say Hey to….”
Okay, so we are out enjoying our little date night. All is well and we are enjoying each other, then suddenly you see someone you know across the way. As men, we are trying our best to not draw attention to them and trying to distract you from seeing them but you see them anyway. You say “let’s go say hey to…..” and all we hear is “NOW I HAVE TO GO OVER HERE AND MAKE SMALL TALK!” and you know how we hate small talk!
P.S. It’s even worse when it’s one of your long lost family members on the phone. “Honey, come say hi to aunt Ida Mae. She’s on the phone!” Yup…this is just as bad! So if you love us, please just send our regards to Ida Mae, please and thank you!
4. “Can You Grab These Few Things From the Store?”
While, as men, we don’t have an issue stopping by the store and picking up one or two things. But when you usually do the shopping and you suddenly hand us a list of 15 things to pick up that are wayyyyyyy more specific than eggs, milk and bread, our man senses just go wild. So you’re telling me you want me to go to a store, find all of these specific brands, and then you want me to use these coupons too? Okay we will do it, but if I don’t get 100 on this test don’t give me a hard time. You say grab these few things from the store…we hear “Go find these needles in the haystack. There are 22 different varieties of bread and you’d better get the right one!” Did I mention that what would be a 10 minute trip for my wife to get these items will probably be a 45 minute trip for me?! Fun, fun, fun…NOT!
5. “Let’s Clean Out The Garage”
Every man knows what this means. You say “let’s clean out the garage”….we hear “LET ME COME INTO YOUR SPACE AND THROW OUT ALL OF YOUR STUFF!” With that said, the answer is “NOPE!” Ladies, we know that 9.9999976 times out of 10 an announcement from you to us that something needs to be “cleaned out” means that more of OUR belongings will be sent to slaughter than yours. So, we will avoid it, put it off, or just flat out refuse by any means necessary. We aren’t lazy, we just know what’s really about to go down.
6. “Let Me Tell You What Happened At Work Today”
Yeah, we know there was some drama that happened at work today, but isn’t that every day!?! Men are fixers, so when you tell us about this revolving door of drama that takes place daily we are going to ask you one question….. “so what are you going to do about it?” I know you want us to just listen to you sometimes….but when it’s the same drama day after day we really don’t want to hear about it again, as if it’s brand new. You said “let me tell you what happened” but we hear “Here comes the sammmeeee story, just on another day!” We promise that we love, cherish and honor you…but if you can keep stories like this to a minimum, we would truly appreciate it!
See ladies it’s not that we aren’t listening, it’s just that we heard something totally different from what you said. So, the next time you utter any of these phrases and your husband gets a panic stricken look, looks like a deer caught in the headlights, or if his eyes glaze over and he sheds a tear, you will know why!