Joy isn’t just a luxury. According to Dr Judith Joseph, a board-certified psychiatrist and researcher, it’s actually a part of who we are.
“We are built with that DNA for joy. It’s our birthright as human beings,” Joseph recently told CNN.
Yet for many of us, that natural spark feels buried under work deadlines, family obligations and what Joseph calls high-functioning depression, the silent kind of struggle where, from the outside, everything seems fine. Inside, though, something feels empty.
Joseph’s book, “High Functioning: Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy”, explores why some people appear successful and put-together, yet quietly feel numb.
It’s a growing topic in mental health circles: research published in “Frontiers in Psychology” (2022) shows that anhedonia, the inability to feel joy, is common, even among high achievers.
So, why should we make space for joy?
And how can we do it in the middle of messy, modern family life? Here’s what Joseph and other experts say and why it matters now more than ever. Joy vs. happiness: know the difference.
Many of us chase happiness, the boost we get from buying something new, getting likes on a photo, or ticking off career goals. But joy, Joseph explains, is different.
“Happiness is external and a short-term fix … Joy is internal. You don’t have to teach a child joy,” she says. It’s a natural state that can still exist alongside hard days, grief or stress. That idea alone can be comforting: we don’t have to wait for everything to be perfect to feel moments of joy.
What stops us from feeling joy?
It turns out that “functioning” too well can actually be part of the problem. Joseph points to anhedonia (loss of pleasure) and alexithymia (difficulty identifying and expressing emotions).
These aren’t always obvious, especially if you’re still hitting deadlines, making school runs and hosting family dinners.
“Many of us are pathologically productive,” Joseph admits. And modern family life often rewards that: we praise the parent who never rests or the adult child who always “has it together”.
Five everyday habits to nurture joy, Joseph’s ‘five V’s’Joseph suggests not trying to overhaul your life overnight.
Instead, slowly build daily practices she calls the five V’s:
- Validation: Name what you feel. Say it out loud or write it down. Research in “Emotion” (2021) shows that simply labelling feelings can lower anxiety.
- Venting: Share openly with someone you trust. Ask if they have space to listen first, to avoid what Joseph calls “trauma dumping”. If you can, consider talking to a mental health professional.
- Values: Reflect on what truly matters. Is it time with your children, laughter with friends or creative projects? Joseph warns not to measure worth only by achievements: “At the end of the day, I’m not gonna talk about [those] on my deathbed.”
- Vitals: Protect your basics: sleep, balanced meals and movement. They sound simple, but countless studies (like those in “The Lancet Psychiatry”, 2018) show these are powerful tools against mood disorders.
- Vision: Make space to imagine what brings you joy in the future, not just replaying regrets from the past. It might mean planning a family picnic, planting a small garden or simply leaving space for moments of play.
Importantly, Joseph warns, “Don’t be high functioning about this. It’s your life, not another project to complete.”
Why joy matters for family life? When we model joy, we quietly teach our loved ones that it’s okay to slow down, to feel, and to value meaning over medals.
Research by the Greater Good Science Centre at UC Berkeley shows that families who openly share emotions and prioritise shared, joyful activities have stronger bonds and better mental health outcomes.
It doesn’t have to look perfect: messy living room dance parties, shared jokes at dinner, or mindful tea breaks count.
These small rituals remind us and our families that we’re more than our productivity. Start where you are.
You don’t need a new job, a big move, or a perfect morning routine to begin. You can start by noticing a sunrise on your commute, calling a friend, or taking a few slow breaths before school pick-up.
If you or someone you love is struggling to feel joy or may be experiencing symptoms of depression, consider talking to a mental health professional.
For South African readers, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) offers a 24-hour helpline on 0800 567 567.
