In the era of viral “icks” and relationship red flags, it’s no surprise that the same concept applies to intimacy. When it comes to sexual wellness, even the smallest things can make or break the moment.
A misplaced comment, an unexpected habit, or a lack of attention to detail can turn a passionate connection into an awkward encounter.
So, what are the biggest “icks” that instantly kill the mood? And how can couples navigate these common turn-offs to improve their connection?
According to Alexa Johnston, a sex and relationship expert at Just, Australia’s go-to online store for quality intimate products, the answers lie in communication, self-awareness, and mutual effort.
“The things that turn us off during intimate moments often go undiscussed, leaving couples frustrated and disconnected,” Johnston explains. But understanding these common turn-offs can strengthen your connection and lead to more satisfying experiences.”
What makes these “icks” particularly tricky is that many people feel too embarrassed to bring them up. While partners might share fantasies or preferences, they rarely talk about what doesn’t work for them. This silence creates a minefield of unspoken issues that can easily derail intimacy.
“The key to better sex isn’t about learning advanced techniques. It’s about removing barriers to connection. Open communication creates a safe space where both partners feel understood and respected.”
The biggest bedroom buzz-killers
1. Surprise hygiene issues
Nothing kills the mood faster than unexpected odours or cleanliness concerns. Basic hygiene might seem obvious, but it’s consistently the number-one complaint I hear from customers.”
Sexual experiences are about being present with your partner, and hygiene plays a huge role in that. A quick shower before intimacy isn’t just polite, it’s a way to show respect and care for your partner’s comfort.
2. Awkward bodily functions
Let’s face it: bodies are unpredictable. Queefing, stomach growls, or other bodily sounds can happen, and while they’re completely natural, they can feel mortifying in the moment.
“The best way to handle it is with humour,” Johnston advises. A quick laugh helps diffuse the awkwardness and keeps the moment light. Pretending it didn’t happen can make things even more uncomfortable.”
3. Overacting and fake responses
Performative moaning and exaggerated reactions might seem like a confidence boost, but they can have the opposite effect. “Authenticity is incredibly sexy,” Johnston says.
“When someone is clearly putting on a show, it creates distance rather than intimacy. Genuine feedback is far more meaningful than anything you think your partner wants to hear.”
4. The silent treatment
On the flip side, complete silence can also be a major mood killer. Some verbal cues let your partner know they’re on the right track.
“Silence can make them second-guess everything they’re doing. You don’t need to narrate every moment, but small affirmations or sounds of pleasure help build intimacy and confidence.”
5. Unwanted name-calling or surprise moves
Introducing new elements during intimacy, whether it’s dirty talk, physical surprises, or new positions, without prior discussion, can instantly break trust.
These conversations should happen outside the bedroom. Consent and communication are key to exploring new things together.
6. Phone distractions
Few things are as off-putting as a partner checking their phone during intimate moments. Answering a call or checking notifications sends a clear signal that your partner isn’t your priority.
“Put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ or leave it in another room. Being present is one of the simplest ways to show your partner you care.”
7. Rushing to “finish” the job
Treating sex like a chore to check off your to-do list can ruin the experience for both partners.
When one partner is just trying to “get it over with”, it’s impossible to feel truly connected.
“Sex should be about quality, not just quantity. Take the time to enjoy the moment together.”
8. Waiting to be pleasured
One of the biggest mood killers is passivity: waiting for your partner to do all the work while you sit back and enjoy.
Intimacy is a two-way street, and when only one person is putting in the effort, it can feel unbalanced and even disrespectful. A lack of engagement leaves your partner feeling unappreciated and disconnected.
9. Lack of foreplay
Skipping foreplay is one of the most common complaints when it comes to bedroom “icks”. Jumping straight into sex without warming up emotionally and physically can feel rushed and inconsiderate.
“Sexual wellness starts with mutual respect, open dialogue, and a willingness to grow together. When partners feel safe and supported, their connection deepens, both in and out of the bedroom.”
