We’ve all been teenagers before. It’s easy to remember the growing pains, emotional outbursts, and moments when we felt misunderstood.
But what happens when it’s your turn to parent a teenager, especially one struggling with emotional and behavioural challenges? It’s a reality many South African families face, and it comes with its own set of difficulties.
Parenting is often described as one of life’s most rewarding journeys, but it’s also one of the most challenging. When your child is troubled, the weight of it can feel unbearable, especially in family dynamics that are already stretched thin, like single-parent households or child-headed families.
The stigma surrounding mental health can make things worse, leaving parents feeling isolated and unsure of where to turn.
When a teenager is struggling emotionally or behaviorally, it’s not just their problem, it’s a family problem. Trauma, anxiety, and stress rarely stay contained to one person. Parents, siblings, and even extended family members can feel the impact.
Jacob Thomason, a family therapist at New Vision Wilderness, explains that when you have emotional, behavioural, and mental health challenges around you, any trauma that happens isn’t contained to one person. Family members will be affected.”
Parents, in particular, often bear the brunt. They feel a societal pressure to “fix” their child, and if they can’t, they may see it as a personal failure. This guilt can be debilitating.
Siblings, on the other hand, may feel overlooked, as the focus of the household shifts entirely to the struggling teen. This imbalance can breed resentment, anxiety, and feelings of isolation within the family unit.
Here are some common challenges families face when a teenager is struggling:
- Parents and siblings may constantly worry about saying or doing something that could upset the teen.
- Family members may become irritable, leading to more frequent arguments.
- Sleep disturbances and appetite loss may become common.
- Household chores and responsibilities can feel overwhelming as emotional exhaustion sets in.
- Mental health conditions like anxiety or depression can develop in parents and siblings, or existing conditions may worsen.
- In some cases, substance use becomes a coping mechanism, potentially leading to substance use disorders.
The mental load of parenting a teen with emotional or behavioural issues can leave parents feeling burned out. Beyond the emotional strain, there are financial pressures, relationship challenges, and work-life imbalances to navigate.
As Tselane, a support group leader for the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), explains: “Many parents express frustrations because of their teenager’s behaviour. I believe this Support Group will help those parents to understand their children better, as other parents share their challenges and experiences.
“Moreover, they’ll learn different ways to work with their children to support them and themselves.”
Finding support through SADAG
To help parents cope, SADAG has launched an Online Mental Health Support Group for Parents of Teenagers with Behavioural Issues.
This initiative offers a safe and compassionate space for parents to connect, share their stories, and develop practical strategies to manage their unique challenges.
“This Group is a place to let the worry, the constant second-guessing, and exhaustion go,” says Tselane.
“You’ll meet other parents who’ve lived through the shouting, the silence, and the sleepless nights. Together, you’ll share tips that help, and maybe for the first time in a while, you’ll realise that you don’t have to do this alone.”
The first meeting will take place on Monday, May 12 at 6pm, with sessions continuing on the first and third Monday of each month.
If you’re interested in joining, you can contact Tselane on 065 929 6242. For more information about other support groups or mental health resources, visit www.sadag.org, call 0800 21 22 23, or SMS 31393 to speak to a counsellor.
South Africa’s diverse family structures mean that mental health challenges can manifest in unique ways. For single mothers, the struggle often lies in juggling financial and emotional responsibilities alone.
In child-headed families, where older siblings take on parental roles, the pressure can be immense.
These scenarios make resources like SADAG’s Support Groups even more vital. Parenting a teenager isn’t easy. But with the right support, it doesn’t have to feel impossible.
Whether you’re a single mom, a grandmother stepping in as a caregiver, or a sibling trying to hold things together, you’re not alone. Help is out there, and it starts with reaching out.
