File photo of a worried woman
Dear GhanaWeb,
I’ve been married for thirteen years, and to be honest, it’s been a turbulent journey. In the early years, we had frequent fights.
My husband was often inconsiderate, and at his worst, he physically abused me and even our children. He would sometimes leave home for days without explanation.
Despite the rocky start, we once had moments of happiness as a family. But everything changed after I reconnected with my ex-boyfriend following the birth of our second child.
Influenced by my feelings for him, I made some decisions I now deeply regret, like refusing to have more children because he wanted me to “maintain myself” for him.
At the time, I was lost in that relationship and blind to the home I was putting at risk.
When my husband found out about the affair, he was deeply hurt.
After that, everything deteriorated. He became cold and emotionally distant.
The physical abuse worsened, and our home turned into a toxic space.
Despite my guilt, I stayed and tried to make amends because he didn’t ask for a divorce.
I hoped things could be repaired. But no matter how hard I tried, our relationship only got worse.
Eventually, I ended things with my ex and tried to focus on my family, but I felt isolated and deeply unhappy.
Out of loneliness, I returned to my ex again, and that’s when my husband discovered it a second time.
He didn’t believe I had ever let the relationship go. His mind was made up about me, and nothing I said could change that.
The fighting intensified until he finally moved out. He still supports the children financially, but we no longer communicate.
With him gone, I began seeing my ex again, mostly because I didn’t want to be alone. My husband doesn’t know I’m back with him, but I often worry he’ll find out, and I’m terrified of what might happen if he does.
What’s even more painful is that I still think about my husband. I don’t understand why he had to respond with violence instead of working through the anger.
I know I made mistakes, but I also feel unloved, abandoned, and confused.
I can’t seem to let go of either man. I’m emotionally stuck between getting over my ex and trying to get my husband back.
I think about this constantly.
My children are unaware of the full extent of what’s happening, but I know they’re affected.
Our marriage has hit rock bottom, and we either need to fix it or part ways officially so I can move on and focus on rebuilding my life, even if that means leaving the children with their father.
What should I do?
FG/EB
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