I’ve always hated my friend’s partner. He’s truly the worst kind of man… then I overheard his private phone call: DEAR JANE

As long as I’ve known my friend’s boyfriend, I’ve despised him.

He’s just generally unpleasant to be around, one of those guys who feels the need to prove his machismo by nearly getting into fist fights at the bar.

I find it loathsome but my friend finds it charming, and has clearly taken a liking to his ‘tough guy’ persona. Despite my protesting over the years, she has refused to listen.

I was at their apartment recently when I overheard him on the phone in his ‘man cave’ talking to pals.

Unaware I was standing just outside the door, I heard him detail a truly sinister plan to break up with her.

He confessed that, for months, he had been increasingly insufferable and lazy, intentionally causing issues in the relationship, hoping my friend would eventually become so infuriated that she would leave him. If that didn’t work, he planned to secretly move out while she was gone one day and simply leave a note.

This was all particularly shocking because they’d been engagement ring shopping just weeks ago.

I don’t know how to tell her what I overheard – or, frankly, whether I even should. She’s always refused to listen whenever I have told her he isn’t a good guy.

And, if she chose not to believe me, that would surely wound our friendship.

Then again, I feel terribly guilty not doing anything to warn her.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column

What your friend’s awful boyfriend is doing is a very common tactic with emotionally immature men.

They can’t face the difficult conversation that comes with breaking up, so instead they behave so badly that eventually the woman feels she has no choice but to end it.

And while it’s natural to want to protect your friend, I’m not sure that there is anything you can do to alleviate her future heartbreak.

You’ve already tried to explain why you don’t think he’s good for her and she has refused to listen.

I can’t imagine it’s likely she will listen this time either. Even if she did, it’s not going to make the heartbreak any easier.

And, as sad as this truism may be, it is often the messenger who gets shot.

She’ll likely confront him, he’ll likely deny it, and there’s a very real risk of your friendship changing, and for you to be blamed.

I often ask: What decision will cause the least harm?

In this case, doing nothing other than supporting your friend and being there for her when the whole thing comes crashing down is the most caring and loving thing you can do.

Rather than talking to her about how awful he is, ask her how she feels when he behaves in certain ways and why she thinks she deserves to be treated like that. Then, ask her to describe her dream relationship.

Helping her keep the focus on herself and what she wants will automatically highlight what she’s not getting, which may ultimately help her see that she deserves better if and when this ends.

I’m getting married next year but instead of being the happiest I’ve ever been, I’m stressed.

My sister is in the wedding and has for months been helping me meticulously plan my big day.

But last week, she mentioned how excited my three-year-old nephew was to be my ring bearer.

The problem is: I never said he was going to be the ring bearer. In fact, I had repeatedly told her that I wanted a kid-free wedding.

When I reminded her of this, she said she thought she was exempt from the ‘kid-free’ rule.

I gently tried to explain that young kids are too disruptive and that weddings, with the alcohol, fancy dinner settings and explicit song lyrics on the dancefloor, are just not a suitable place for children.

She, however, exploded. She said she couldn’t understand why I would exclude her son from my wedding and that it would now break his heart to be told he wouldn’t be participating.

In fact, she said she would even reconsider her own attendance if I didn’t let him come.

It would be devastating to not have my sister at my wedding, but I worry that allowing my nephew to participate will surely upset some of the other guests who were forced to leave their kids at home.

Do I concede anyway and let him come to the ceremony?

My first instinct reading your letter was a bark of laughter. I’m not sure any three-year-old cares about weddings, and certainly not enough to be heartbroken at the prospect of not attending one.

You are quite right: It can’t possibly be one rule for one guest and another for everyone else.

Arranging childcare can be a bit of a headache, as all of us who have children know. To turn up to a wedding after going through the hassle of organizing a sitter only to discover there are children there, even if it’s only one, risks upsetting your other guests.

I don’t think you should cave to make your sister happy, however guilty you may feel about how much she has done for you in organizing this wedding.

You’ve already tried to gently explain why this boundary is in place, and now, even at the risk of further explosions, you have to uphold it.

I know this may be hard, particularly if your sister threatens not to come herself, which makes it all the more important that you stick to your guns in having the wedding that you want.

You could think about a compromise – perhaps there is a pre-wedding moment your nephew can be included in, such as a family portrait – but you cannot let her upset dictate your wedding day.

As hard as this may be to accept, if she chooses not to attend, that’s her choice.

Keep your no children rule in place, no exceptions. Then try to let this go and have a beautiful day.