My Girlfriend Hides Our Relationship Because I’m Younger Than Her

Ose is in love with a woman five years older than him, but their relationship comes with a painful twist. While she showers him with affection when they are alone, she denies their romantic connection in public, especially when her friends are around. Tired of being treated like a boyfriend behind closed doors and a younger brother in public, Ugo is beginning to question whether she truly loves him or is simply enjoying his attention.

“She is five years older than me. She is already a graduate, while I am still in school. She is currently doing her NYSC in my school. Looking at both of us, you would hardly notice the age difference because she looks like a 20-year-old girl, and she is petite. I even look older than her. When we first met, we started as friends and acted more like siblings because we are from the same tribe and bear similar names. She is a very beautiful and shy lady with a lovely smile. I think it was love at first sight because my spirit accepted her the first time we met. Ever since then, I have not been able to get her out of my mind.

“It took me a lot of courage to ask her to be my girlfriend. I was not expecting her to reject me because I could already see in her eyes that she liked me. But she said no, explaining that she was older than me and had a younger brother around my age. She admitted that she liked me but said she could not date me. We remained friends because I did not want to force things. I continued to prove to her every day that I loved and adored her. She is the first girl I have ever loved this deeply. Before now, she would not allow me to touch her or even give her a peck, but things have changed. Now, she is the one all over me. We cuddle and kiss when we are alone. However, whenever we go out or are in the presence of other people, she pretends that we are just friends. In fact, she tells her friends that we are not dating. She does not allow me to touch her or even hold her hand in public. If I try to touch her, she will shout at me and accuse me of disrespecting her, especially when she is with her friends. She once told me that her friends mocked her for hanging out with someone they considered her younger brother.

“I feel she is not proud of me. Whenever she denies our relationship or treats me like just a friend in front of her friends, it hurts me. I have tried to understand her, but the situation is beginning to frustrate me. When we are alone, she treats me like her boyfriend, but in public, she acts as if I am her younger brother. We have been friends for nine months, and her NYSC year will end in less than three months, yet our relationship remains undefined. I do not want to lose her, but sometimes I feel she might just be using me because I have helped her with many things and she enjoys my company. Should I just give up on her?”

Dear Ose, many girls have been raised to believe that a man should be older for a relationship to feel right. When the roles are reversed, she might feel like she is doing something wrong. She judges herself, knowing that her family, friends, and society will also judge her. This creates a sense of awkwardness. However, age is just a number. It takes a strong and confident woman to prioritise her happiness over societal opinions and embrace such a relationship. It might take her some time to adjust, but if she sees you as worthy and capable of leading, she will accept you. If you truly love her, keep showing her your value and let her see you as the man, not some errand boy.

Ngozi Uma is a Nigerian Arts and culture writer and critic. She specializes in art reviews.

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