Marriage: Does tribe matter?

In Ghanaian culture and tradition, every adult is expected to marry and, among other things, continue the family lineage. In the past, it was the responsibility of parents to find suitable partners for their children.

They would search within the community for a prospective partner and investigate the person and his or her extended family to ensure that they would make a good life partner.

Because the search was largely localised, most people ended up marrying within their tribe. Parents found a partner, presented the person to their child and the child accepted. Such marriages tended to be stable, even when the partners had never met or courted.

Today, however, young people find their partners from different backgrounds and then seek their parents’ approval.

In many cases, when you tell your parents about a potential spouse, the first question they ask is: “Where does he or she come from?” Your answer could spell hope or despair because, for many parents, the background of a prospective in-law is an important indicator of the likely success of a marriage.

The world has become a small village. We move from one place to another to study, work and seek adventure.

In the process, we interact with people who share similar backgrounds, interests and values. Love does not recognise tribal boundaries and you may find yourself falling in love with someone from a different tribe.

Some people marry outside their tribe for personal benefits such as the opportunity to travel abroad. Others, having experienced failed relationships within their own tribe, conclude that people from their background do not make good life partners.

The reality is that Ghana is gradually moving from a largely homogeneous to a more heterogeneous society. As young people meet and interact, they become attracted to one another. In such circumstances, tribe can wait.

Inter-tribal marriages can present genuine cultural challenges because every tribe has its own beliefs, customs and expectations regarding marriage.

The wider the cultural differences, the greater the potential for misunderstandings and conflict if couples do not learn to manage them.

There is also the issue of lineage and inheritance. For example, the Gas, Ewes and some northern communities traditionally trace inheritance through the paternal line, while the Akans generally follow the maternal line.

When people from these different backgrounds marry, questions may arise about the lineage and inheritance rights of their children.

Studies have also shown that partners in inter-tribal marriages may receive less support from friends, family members and society.

Sometimes, parental resistance is so strong that couples are forced to return to their hometowns to marry someone from their own tribe, either secretly or openly, to please their extended families.

Such limited family and social support can create additional pressure on inter-tribal marriages and may contribute to marital dissatisfaction and divorce.

Today, inter-tribal marriages are on the increase. We are seeing Ghanaian marriages in different permutations, with some people even marrying partners from outside Ghana. This suggests that the tribal factor is gradually losing its influence.

Many people are beginning to understand that the success of a marriage depends largely on the effort partners put into making it work.

Where someone comes from does not necessarily determine the health of a marriage. Inter-tribal marriages do not inherently carry a greater risk of failure than marriages within the same tribe.

I have handled several cases of couples who had serious disagreements with their parents over the tribe of their chosen partners.

In one case, it took four years of discussions and very diplomatic counselling before the parents finally gave their approval.

Today, the parents confess that the man is one of the best things to have happened to their entire extended family because he has become a pillar of support. They now see him as their son rather than an in-law.

If you meet someone you love who comes from a different tribe, do not give up easily. Pursue the relationship with commitment, provided you genuinely love each other and share the desire to build a life together.

Your parents may initially resist the relationship, but with patience and time, your partner can prove that he or she is a good person. In many cases, the tribal factor eventually fades, paving the way for a fulfilling marriage.

It is, however, important to have a serious courtship and get to know your partner very well. Discuss the hard issues, including your cultural differences and how you intend to manage them. Learn each other’s language and enjoy each other’s local food.

If you demonstrate commitment, mutual respect, effective communication and a forgiving spirit, the tribal factor will gradually disappear.You will discover that true love is beautiful and has no tribal colours.

Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love.Mobile: 020 818 1861