‘Cry, pray and trust your instincts’: Unathi Nkayi shares advice with moms ahead of initiation season

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367 67 Copy link WhatsApp Facebook X (Twitter) Email Share… South African media personality Unathi Nkayi has opened up about her personal experience as a mother navigating her son’s initiation journey, offering heartfelt advice to moms whose sons will be heading to the mountain this December.

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Taking to social media, Unathi reflected on memories from almost three years ago and explained that she felt compelled to share her experience after receiving requests to speak at imigidi during the upcoming initiation season.

“I wanted to share a little of my journey to help moms and sons whose journeys may be starting next month,” she shared.

Unathi, who is divorced, said the experience was particularly challenging and required open communication and transparency within her family.

A post shared by Unathi.Africa (@unathi.co)

Looking back, Unathi revealed that the final photograph in the series marked the first time she and her son’s father had spoken as parents in more than a year.

She explained that she was open with her family, particularly her father and son, about the circumstances so that everyone could manage their expectations.

“I quickly realised this journey is not just about the initiate and his father but the whole family too,” she said.

For Unathi, grace, communication and transparency became important throughout the process.

“Grace was the order of that moment, and great communication and transparency in my family was how we got through it, going into it blind and excommunicated,” she wrote.

Unathi also shared a message specifically for mothers and sons preparing for initiation.

“To mom and son…..this is going to be a life-changing experience, so enjoy this last month together as you know each other now,” she advised.

She encouraged mothers to understand that their relationship with their sons may change after the initiation experience.

“When you meet each other again, get to know the new versions of you with no third parties so that you can build that intimacy again,” she said.

Unathi described the transition as moving from raising a boy to welcoming a young man.

“You are killing the boy child and boy mom. You are welcoming your man son and mother of a man,” she wrote.

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According to Unathi, the period away can create a significant adjustment when an initiate returns home.

She noted that initiates may spend about a month away from contact with women and with limited interaction with the outside world.

“Remember that when he comes home….He will feel like a familiar stranger. He is. Let him lead you in his newness,” she advised.

Unathi recalled how her own son changed after returning home, including developing an appreciation for things he had not previously shown much interest in.

“Mine loved being outside, topless and barefoot, things he had never done before. He loved silence and listening to the birds,” she shared.

Unathi also spoke about navigating the teachings her son received during initiation while helping him readjust to life outside the mountain.

She said she respected their culture while also reminding her son that he would need to find a balance when returning to everyday life.

“I had to gently remind him that although I respect our culture, there is no world where women don’t exist, so as much as I respect what he has been taught in initiation, I asked that we meet each other in the middle,” she explained.

One of the most emotional parts of Unathi’s message was her advice to mothers experiencing the separation from their sons.

She recalled being told by the head of ooZibazana at their academy in Embo, Cape Town, that mothers may experience intense emotions during the month their sons are away.

Unathi said she cried uncontrollably and connected the experience to the bond between mothers and their sons.

She also encouraged mothers to use the time to pray and remain attentive to their own instincts.

“Pray, trust your instincts and be present,” she wrote.

As the December initiation season approaches, Unathi’s reflections offer a glimpse into the emotional adjustment that can accompany the journey for both initiates and their families.

“Good luck and I’ll see some of you in December,” she concluded.

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