Letters to the Editor: Readers share times when laughter and grief intertwined

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To the editor: In reading this op-ed, two things came to mind (“My brother’s last joke changed how I understand grief,” Oct. 11). The first was when Mary on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” began snickering, then broke out in sheer laughter at the funeral of Chuckles the Clown, who was killed when dressed as a peanut and stomped on by a large elephant.

The second was my own father’s funeral in 2022. It was at the military cemetery in San Diego, a very formal service. When it came time to lower my dad’s coffin into the ground, the stoic officer turned to my mom and asked if he had her permission to lower the coffin. I whispered (or so I thought), “What if she says no?” The officer overheard me and chuckled at the comment, breaking with protocol.

I’m glad to be reassured by guest contributor John Kenney that no, I was not being rebellious. I was simply expressing my grief in a different way — and touching that officer in a way that may have been a welcome break from what was surely a difficult experience he lived every day.

To the editor: I completely agree with Kenney’s op-ed on laughter and grief. My dying wife Licia understood that connection.

At the age of 64, two days before she died from leukemia, she said, “Honey, I have some great news for you.” Now, keep in mind she knew she only had a day or two more to live, so I wondered what her “great” news could possibly be. And she replied, “At least I won’t be getting Alzheimer’s.”

We both laughed — possibly our last laugh together. But that last laugh stays with me every day.

To the editor: My wife, nearly 80 years old, had only a few weeks to live. I don’t recall what we were talking about, but I suddenly quipped that I’ll only have to wash the sheets half as often because now I’d sleep on her side of the bed half of the time. We both cracked up.

I loved her so much, and part of the reason was that she laughed at my jokes.