JD Vance and Ted Cruz are fighting for control of the GOP. The problem? Neither is called Trump

Best of enemies … Ted Cruz and JD Vance at a conservative conference in 2023. Photograph: Bloomberg/Getty ImagesView image in fullscreenBest of enemies … Ted Cruz and JD Vance at a conservative conference in 2023. Photograph: Bloomberg/Getty ImagesJD Vance and Ted Cruz are fighting for control of the GOP. The problem? Neither is called TrumpArwa MahdawiHaving seemingly written off the midterms, the Republican bigwigs are making their pitches for 2028. But the current commander-in-chief could be looking closer to home

The US midterm elections are a month away and it’s looking rough for the Republicans. I wouldn’t discount devious schemes behind the scenes, but, on the face of it, the president and his entourage seem to be flailing. Donald Trump is desperately dangling money in front of voters and promising “a big surprise”. Meanwhile, the vice-president, JD Vance, and the GOP senator Ted Cruz seem more concerned with fighting over who will be Trump’s heir than with the midterms.

If the polls are to be believed, Vance is the frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination in 2028. But while he may have great name recognition, Vance is also unlikable. According to the CNN analyst Harry Enten, he is one of the least popular vice-presidents in history. He’s also apparently made enemies within his own party, largely because of his scepticism about the Iran war. His detractors include Cruz, who told MS Now in August that Vance wasn’t a shoo-in for the nomination. The party, Cruz said, was still figuring out the best candidate and needed “to decide who we are, what do we believe”.

These remarks did not go unnoticed by the ever-observant vice-president. “It is really obvious to me that, at this very moment, Ted Cruz is running for president,” Vance said in an interview with NBC News on Friday. “At this moment, I’m not. I’m trying to help elect Republicans.”

Cruz, in turn, denied he was thinking about 2028 yet and suggested Vance may have a chip on his shoulder. “In my experience, people engage in political bomb-throwing when they’re feeling insecure,” Cruz told Politico on Saturday. “So he’s welcome to make whatever comments he likes.”

Yes, please continue making whatever comments you like, JD! In fact, I’d strongly suggest you take it up a notch and remind people of Cruz’s greatest hits. There was the time he fled to Cancún on holiday when his state, Texas, was facing deadly, record-breaking freezing temperatures, for example. And the time his official Twitter account “liked” a pornographic tweet (apparently it was “a staffing issue, and it was inadvertent”). And there’s the longstanding joke, which started with a meme in 2013, that Cruz is the Zodiac killer. Obviously, this was baseless, but it went viral because apparently it is believable. Indeed, a 2016 poll found that 10% of voters in Florida thought Cruz was the Zodiac killer and an additional 28% said they were not sure.

That said, Vance should be careful about what he dishes out: he’s been the subject of a few memes himself. Who can forget the (completely unfounded) viral rumours about the vice-president having sexual relations with a couch?

While Vance and Cruz may be butting heads now, I suspect they’ll eventually kiss and make up. They are pragmatists, which is a polite way to say soulless opportunists. They had similar journeys when it comes to Trump, for example. In 2016, Cruz called Trump, who nicknamed him Lyin’ Ted, a “serial philanderer” and a “pathological liar”. Around the same time, Vance wondered if Trump was “America’s Hitler” and called him “the most-raw expression of a massive finger pointed at other people”. Now, of course, it’s a very different story. Vance is veep and Cruz has become such a staunch Trump ally that the president calls him Beautiful Ted.

With the news as grim as it is, you’ve got to find satisfaction where you can. And it’s certainly satisfying to watch Vance (who absolutely does not fornicate with furniture) and Cruz (who is definitely not the Zodiac killer) feud. Ultimately, though, it may turn out that we don’t have to worry about either man come 2028. MS Now’s Rachel Maddow thinks the president may follow the authoritarian playbook and install a family member as his successor.

“If he wants [his family] to not end up in jail or prosecuted or having their … gains investigated … he’s got to make sure that the next president is also a Trump,” Maddow opined on a recent podcast. Potus himself has said “there could be” a Trump dynasty and seemed to suggest his daughter-in-law Lara may be his successor. Take a seat on a comfy couch for this one, JD: you’re going to have a tough time trumping a Trump.