5 Tips For Planning an Awesome Wedding Without Becoming a Bridezilla

Instagram Pinterest Facebook X 5 Tips For Planning an Awesome Wedding Without Becoming a Bridezilla These tips from an etiquette expert will keep you on track for stress-free preparations and a wonderful day.

Wedding planning can bring out the best in us—and occasionally the worst. There’s no doubt that wedding planning can be stressful. You can go on about wedding etiquette, not getting caught up in the little things, and how the most important goal is to walk down the aisle, but the fact of the matter is that you’re hosting a party, too, and—as you would with any party—you feel the strain of wanting your guests to enjoy themselves.

So the question is, how do you host a fabulous celebration without turning into a first-class, control-freak, scary-as-hell Bridezilla?

I asked national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman that very question, and she shared five tips for keeping things as un-scary as possible.

There isn’t a bride around who doesn’t want everything to look gorgeous on the big day, and that includes the people surrounding her at the altar. Sure, you may be willing to splurge to get your dream dress, but it’s asking a lot of your bridesmaids to do the same. Your best friends want to be there for you, and it’s expected that being a bridesmaid will be a little expensive, but only a Bridezilla would ask her friends to max out their credit cards to make her day “special.” Your friends love you and wish you the best, but they also want to pay their rent, take their kids on vacation, and have money left over to buy food. 

Acknowledge that your friends may have other financial obligations than spending half a year’s salary on your wedding activities. There are many ways to ease up on your bridesmaids’ wallets. One easy idea is to pick a color and a length, and then let your bridesmaids choose whichever dress (for whatever price) they would like. Or let them off the hook for the destination bachelorette party. Figure out what’s most important to you, and compromise on the rest.

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There is a lot of pressure for your wedding to be just as opulent and elaborate as those of your friends. But only a Bridezilla lets her wedding day become a competition. Plan a wedding for you, regardless of what your friends—or your Instagram, Pinterest, and TikTok feeds—are doing. This means taking account of your, your fiancé’s, and your parents’ budgets. It makes absolutely no sense to start your lives together by spending the next four years (or more) paying off your wedding bills or expecting your parents to do the same. Let go of over-the-top plans, and stay within your budget. This is one where perspective is important: The objective of the day is to get married and celebrate with your friends and family! Figure out what wedding day arrangement works best for you, and then focus on your future life as Mr. and Mrs. That’s what counts in the long run. 

If your caterer cancels your order, and your wedding planner stops returning your calls, odds are that you are driving people away with your excessive demands. Find highly rated, well-recommended people, and trust them to know what they’re doing. Read contracts carefully, communicate changes as early as possible, pay invoices on time, and remember that a vendor’s inability to accommodate a last-minute request isn’t necessarily poor service.

Sure, you’re the one processing down the aisle in a beautiful white gown, but your wedding day is about celebrating the union of two people, not just you. Allow your soon-to-be husband to contribute to the wedding arrangements, and ask him what things are important to him. Your wedding isn’t simply an event you’re hosting; it’s the beginning of a marriage you’re entering together. Ask your fiancé which parts of the ceremony and celebration matter most to him, rather than assuming he doesn’t care about the details. You may be surprised by which traditions, guests, music, food, or moments carry particular meaning for him.

We get it. You have dreamt of this day your entire life. But why ruin what is supposed to be a happy occasion with stress, strife, and possibly hives? If wedding planning is consuming your thoughts, deliberately step away from it for a while. Spend time with friends without discussing the wedding, go for a walk, exercise, pray or meditate, volunteer, or do something creative—anything that reminds you that your wedding is an important day, but it isn’t the entirety of your life.

It’s fair to say ahead of such a big event, your body could use some de-stressing activities: carve out some creative time, get a massage, take naps, practice breathing, do whatever it takes to keep yourself calm, centered, and with a healthy, intact sense of perspective (not to mention sense of humor). You’ll be more capable of soaking in the day in real time with less worry on your shoulders.

Weddings these days can come with entire calendars of events: engagement parties, showers, destination bachelorette weekends, welcome drinks, rehearsal dinners, and morning-after brunches. Try to reassure your guests that an invitation isn’t an obligation. Decide which events truly matter to you, communicate clearly about costs, and don’t take it personally when someone can’t attend every celebration.

After so much planning, it can be surprisingly easy to spend your actual wedding day thinking about what comes next: Is everyone having fun? Is dinner running on time? Did the photographer get the perfect photo? Is everything going according to plan?

On the day itself, give yourself permission to stop managing the wedding and simply experience it. Look at your spouse. Take in the faces of the people who came to celebrate with you. Notice the music, the hugs, the funny mishaps, and the special little moments you couldn’t have planned if you tried.

After all, at the end of the day, your wedding day isn’t about producing a perfect event. It’s about the transformation taking place at the heart of it. You’re beginning a lifelong journey together. The flowers, photos, and carefully chosen details matter—but don’t let worrying about them keep you from being fully present for the reason you’re celebrating in the first place.

Former editor-in-chief and relationships editor at Verily, Monica enjoys surveying cultural trends and sharing her thoughts on relationships and womanhood.

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