File photo of a worried man
Dear GhanaWeb,
I’m not proud of what I’m about to share, but I feel the need to unburden myself. A year ago, a male colleague of ours died, and it still haunts me to this day.
He was very close to our boss, and though many of us didn’t initially mind, things changed when he started snitching on us to gain favour.
He was exposing people’s secrets and actions, and it made everyone uncomfortable. But no one said anything, we just tried to tolerate him.
Then came a breaking point. He found out that two of us, myself and another colleague, had taken about GH₵15,000 from an external deal that had nothing to do with our company.
When he discovered this, he threatened to report us to our boss unless we returned the money.
We didn’t have it. We tried to reason with him, pleaded even, but he wouldn’t listen. He was determined to expose us.
The other colleague, who actually masterminded the whole side deal, came up with a plan. A terrible one.
Since I worked in the same department as this man, he convinced me I had to carry it out. I had never done anything like it before. I didn’t even believe I was capable of something so dark.
But fear pushed me. Fear of losing my job, fear of being exposed, fear of being punished.
So, I did the unthinkable, I put poison in his food.
Within two days, he died after battling for his life at the hospital.
It’s been almost a year, and I’ve never known peace since. I’ve carried this guilt every single day. I can’t sleep. I have nightmares.
I find myself sweating, shaking, thinking about what I did. He had a family, a wife, and a child who should be around two years old now.
I think about them often. I wonder what they must be going through. And I hate myself for causing that pain.
I wish I could go back. I wish I had simply begged him, or convinced my colleague to find another way. But I didn’t. I took a life. And it’s eating me alive.
I don’t know what to do. I want peace. I want to confess and be free of this torment, but I also know that doing so could land me in jail, or worse.
I don’t expect forgiveness, but I want to do the right thing. I’m tired of living with this guilt.
Please, what should I do?
FG/EB
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