File photo of a worried man
Dear GhanaWeb,
I’m currently in a very toxic and painful marriage. I say “toxic” because my wife physically abuses me. I don’t retaliate, not because I don’t want to, but because I’m either not strong enough or I’m afraid of hurting her if I fight back.
Whenever we get into an argument, she gets physical. She punches and hits me, and I end up with bruises and injuries I have to hide. Sometimes I try to defend myself, but she’s quick, she blocks my attempts, and I still end up losing every time.
This didn’t start after marriage. Before we got married, she would hit me occasionally. My friends warned me and encouraged me to leave her, but I truly believed she could change. She also told me she wanted to change, and for a while, it seemed like she did, she only hit me a few times that year. So I stayed, and we eventually got married last year.
But everything changed after the wedding. Now, it happens almost every week. The moment she gets angry, she lashes out. The physical abuse is constant, and it’s breaking me emotionally and mentally.
I love her. I still do. She has a beautiful side, she’s loving, affectionate, and we have great intimacy when things are good. But the violent side of her is destroying me, and I’m at a loss for what to do.
People have told me that if I can fight back and overpower her just once, she’ll stop. But I’ve tried, and I can’t. She’s stronger than me, or maybe I just don’t have the heart to hurt someone I care about, even when she’s hurting me.
I’m too ashamed to talk to anyone about this in person. How do I tell people that my wife beats me? It’s humiliating, and I fear that no one would take me seriously.
I’m writing to ask for help. I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t want to live in fear or pain either. I want to help her change, if that’s even possible. But I also fear that one day, she might cause serious, permanent harm.
Please, what should I do?
FG/EB
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