File photo of a worried woman
Dear GhanaWeb,
I am a 23-year-old woman currently dating a 49-year-old man. We’ve been together for over five years. Throughout this time, I have never cheated on him or considered being with anyone else.
It’s not that I don’t sometimes wish to date someone younger or even marry someone closer to my age, but this man supported me through senior high school and has continued to support me financially throughout university. I’m now in my final year.
He waited until I finished SHS before we became intimate. He provides for me generously, I never lack anything. He was previously married but is now divorced with three children, whom he never involves me with.
Now, he’s planning to marry me after I graduate, but I don’t want that. I feel like I don’t have a choice.
Early in our relationship, he made me swear an oath using eggs and other ritual items which he tied together in a pot. He later told me he threw the items into the sea. He said that if I ever leave him or cheat, I will go mad.
My parents know him, but they don’t know about this oath. Every time I consider seeing someone else, I remember the swearing, and I retreat because I’m terrified of going mad.
Despite all he provides, I’m not happy. I have money saved and a future ahead of me, but I’m unsure if it’s worth the risk. I want to be free and explore.
I want to enjoy intimacy, experiment, and feel passion, things I can’t do with him. He is much older and very limited sexually. He doesn’t satisfy me, and everything is restricted to the bedroom.
The painful truth is, I don’t love him. I don’t even have feelings for him anymore. So how can I marry someone I don’t love? I feel stuck and confused.
I want to move on with my life, but I’m haunted by fear, what if I leave and something terrible happens, like he said?
I now regret agreeing to that oath. I thought it was a joke until I saw the items he used tied up in a pot.
Please, I just want to be happy. I want to live and enjoy my youth like my friends. But I feel trapped. What should I do?
I’m deeply sad and desperate for help.
FG/EB
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