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You\u2019ve seen romantic comedies, read fairytales, and believe that after the wedding, you\u2019re supposed to\u00a0live happily ever after. <\/p>\n
Yet, the\u00a0romantic myths don\u2019t tell you\u00a0to put in the effort and make your marriage a priority to keep the ever-after happy.<\/p>\n
Instead of taking your partner for granted and hoping your marriage will be fine, you can engage in weekly rituals to keep your marriage extra strong.<\/p>\n
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Here are eight simple\u00a0rituals the strongest couples pledge to maintain for life<\/p>\n
1. Pledge to touch and breathe together<\/h3>\n
Remember you are both human beings, not human\u00a0doings<\/em>.\u00a0Take time to be together and connect daily\u00a0for a few minutes. Create a weekly ritual together where you are fully present with no screens, no agenda, no rushing, no expectations, just being present with each other.<\/p>\n One of my favorite ways to connect is to touch foreheads and breathe together without talking. Another beneficial ritual is to gaze into each other\u2019s eyes with love and compassion in your gaze. <\/p>\n You can hold hands when you do this if you like. Notice how these simple rituals help you relax and connect with your partner. From a relaxed, connected, and compassionate state continue with one or more of the rituals below.<\/p>\n Instead of leading with what\u2019s wrong and what needs fixing, start with what\u2019s right and what you appreciate. Let your partner know they are valued and appreciated to keep your marriage strong. Start with a weekly (or better yet, daily) ritual of thanking and\u00a0sharing appreciation for each other.<\/p>\n Focus on specific things your partner did or said. Let them know how you feel.<\/p>\n For example, \u201cThat special meal you made for us was so delicious! I felt loved and cared for and appreciate you very much for making it!\u201d Notice the effect this has. When you both feel loved and appreciated, you can easily face challenges.<\/p>\n Checkin with each other every week about goals and ideas for the future. What are your plans for the relationship, home, family, vacations, career, or retirement? take time to listen with respect and brainstorm ideas together.<\/p>\n If either of you has an issue, create a safe space to be vulnerable and use the\u00a0Communication Map\u00a0to negotiate a workable solution.<\/p>\n This process allows the person sharing the issue to be heard and understood and together to create a win-win solution. The format is to take turns with one issue at a time, where one person shares the issue, and the other listens with curiosity and compassion, focusing on understanding the issue. After sharing the issue and requests, you can collaborate to find a solution.<\/p>\n Each week,\u00a0arrange to be alone together, just the two of you, away from distractions, children, work, and other responsibilities. If you have small children, this requires planning, but don\u2019t let weeks go by without sharing quality time. Depending on your interests, you can try different activities and adventures.<\/p>\n You can have a ritual of weekly date nights where you try out different local restaurants \u2014 for an added element of fun take turns choosing and maybe even surprising the other with the week\u2019s activity. You can go for weekly walks, hikes, bike rides, or kayaking together.<\/p>\n My husband and I like to go to the gym and play pickleball together. You can play cards or games, read out loud to each other, spend time in nature, have a picnic, star gaze, go to a spa, or plan and enjoy romantic weekend getaways.\u00a0<\/p>\n Stay in touch with your spouse with daily kisses, hugs, and affectionate touch. Start with non-sexual touch that offers comfort and connection. If sexual tensions have been an issue, take a few days (or even weeks)\u00a0where sexual touch is not an option to help you remember the wonder of simply connecting.\u00a0<\/p>\n You can also create a weekly ritual that may\u00a0include things like\u00a0relaxed sensual and sexual intimacy and massage. You can create a softly lit, cozy space with candles, string lights, or dimmable lamps. You can add your favorite music and perhaps your favorite scented oils.<\/p>\n Making time for sensual touch helps you connect more deeply with each other. Affectionate, sensual, and sexual touch can help you both reduce stress, feel more secure and satisfied in your marriage, and keep passion alive. This is a vital ritual to help you stay connected through the inevitable challenges and changing life events during your marriage. Support each other on your journey and stay in close touch.<\/p>\n Be a team! Every week, you shop, cook, clean, and more. You can share some of this, perhaps having a weekly ritual of preparing a nice meal together. House and garden projects are a great opportunity to collaborate. Each week, you can find a project to work on together, such as cooking or cleaning, redecorating a room, organizing the garage, or planting or tending to a garden.<\/p>\n You may want to work together on a volunteer project or help a friend or relative. You can brainstorm ideas and participate in activities like planting trees, helping at an animal shelter, or planning a celebration. When you work together, be supportive and appreciative of each other.<\/p>\n Another fun weekly ritual is to reflect and reminisce on your time together. You can revisit a special memory together and look at photos and videos. This helps you to remember happy times from the past and feel connected in the present.<\/p>\n Then, you can explore how to grow together in the future. Growing together includes planning, learning, and\u00a0being open to new experiences and connections.\u00a0This may require adapting to changing needs and challenges. It may be challenging to deal with some issues on your own.<\/p>\n Sometimes, you might need extra help to work through challenges and get your marriage back on track. One great weekly ritual can be to get counseling or coaching together. This helps you keep your marriage strong, learn the tools,\u00a0get support to communicate with compassion,\u00a0work through challenges, and connect more deeply.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s what a couple I worked with recently had to say.<\/p>\n \u201cBefore we worked with you, we were not talking, were frustrated, and fought. You\u2019ve helped us so much! We no longer have angry arguments. We speak to each other with more compassion, laugh together more, and are a lot more comfortable. You\u2019ve not only given us tools but taught us healthy patterns that help us connect and appreciate each other every day.\u201d<\/p>\n When you make these rituals part of your weekly routine, you\u2019ll strengthen your marriage and weather storms and challenges along the way.<\/p>\n Which rituals do you want to try?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n2. Share specific words of appreciation\u00a0<\/h3>\n
3. Commit to\u00a0a weekly conversation using a\u00a0\u2018communications map\u2019\u00a0<\/h3>\n
4. Pledge one weekly activity for just the two of you\u00a0<\/h3>\n
5. Promise to prioritize daily non-sexual touch\u00a0<\/h3>\n
6. Pledge to complete a project together every week<\/h3>\n
7. Commit to reflecting and growing together<\/h3>\n
8. Promise you\u2019ll get support if and when problems arise\u00a0<\/h3>\n