![\"couple\"](\"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/EVuMLaWXkAUMnvI-Copy-696x464.jpg\" "\\"couple\\"\/")
<\/div>\nThere\u2019s a reason you lost him. If the train doesn\u2019t stop, it is not your train.<\/p>\n
You might think he was in your life to hurt you, but I think differently.<\/p>\n
Your breakup was to show\u00a0you there is something that needs to shift within you. You deserve better.\u00a0You\u2019re capable, strong, and can thrive without him.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ultimately, he left to free the space for The One.<\/p>\n
In short, if the train didn\u2019t stop at your station, it was not your train. It was not meant to be. Otherwise, he\u2019d stay. Forever.<\/p>\n
Do you believe that? Because if you do, it will be so. And if you don\u2019t, it will also be so.<\/p>\n
But why would you not believe it? Because nobody ever told you how valuable, good, worthy, lovable, and deserving you are. Until now.<\/strong><\/p>\n I remember how when my younger sister, Anna, lost her boyfriend of four years, she was devastated. She thought something was wrong with her and nobody would ever want her again.<\/p>\n She despised other happy couples,\u00a0had panic attacks just looking at engagement rings, and lost faith in fairytale endings.<\/p>\n Then, one day, she called me late at night, hysterical about what she\u2019d just learned: Her ex was engaged to an older woman with two kids.<\/p>\n After tucking my kids in, I drove to her house to be there for her but also to help her see beyond her pain and zoom straight into the real issue. I believe the course of our pain is always emotional and always\u00a0pre-existent \u2014 before the problem emerges.<\/p>\n It\u2019s like when I\u2019m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, then ignore it and get gastritis. If I just down Mylanta instead of addressing these core emotions and shifting my underlying negative state, they\u2019ll resurface again and again, becoming a chronic problem.<\/p>\n Losing a boyfriend is just like that.<\/p>\n And so, shortly after my arrival, we sat on her bed in our sweats and oversized t-shirts, accompanied by a box of tissues, Oreos, bottles of wine (for her), and milk (for me), as we\u00a0embarked on a journey to gain clarity about what has happened.<\/p>\n And sure enough, it turns out (just like with my gastritis) that the real issue is not the guy. The issue is my sister\u2019s chronic feeling of helpless unworthiness. It\u2019s something many of us feel and often ignore.<\/p>\n \u201cI probably had bad karma with him or something,\u201d Anna sniffled, finishing the first bottle of wine.<\/p>\n \u201cSure,\u201d I agreed, liking the idea of blaming the \u2018bad things\u2019 in life on the mysterious b-tch who stole her ex. It\u2019s karma. \u201cBut in any case,\u201d I added, dipping a cookie into my cup of milk. \u201cIt is what it is. And as Mom always says, \u2018It\u2019s for the best.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n While it makes no sense to repeat this phrase repeatedly when I\u2019m facing my breakdowns, at this moment, it makes her feel good. And that\u2019s important.<\/p>\n Why? Because it\u2019s in sync with what even science has been discerning lately: that good-feeling emotions create good-feeling outcomes, both in our bodies and our lives.<\/p>\n And so, how do we turn the ship of karma around toward the bright side? By asking one question, \u201cWhat kind of relationship do I want?\u201d<\/p>\n If we never ask, life will never answer.<\/p>\n And so I asked my tipsy sister this question, \u201cAnna, what do you want in a guy?\u201d<\/p>\n At first, she stared at me with a you\u2019ve-got-to-be-kidding look. I get why. There is no pathway in her brain established for this question. We were not raised to think in terms of what we want. Nobody ever asked us the question.<\/p>\n Instead, we were told what to do and were expected to do it, whether we liked it or not. And now, all grown up, we still feel as if we\u2019re out of control, powerless, and choiceless \u2014 the root cause of our unworthiness.<\/p>\n Well, the good news is our childhood is over, and it\u2019s up to us to train ourselves to think in ways that are confident, worthy, and deserving \u2014\u00a0the way happy people think.<\/p>\n And it begins with this powerful query: \u201cWhat do I want?\u201d<\/p>\n And so, convinced she has nothing to lose by trying (and taking charge and doing something does feel better), my sister pulled an old notebook from her nightstand, twirled her pencil around, and proclaimed: \u201cI don\u2019t know what I want.\u201d<\/p>\n To which I responded, \u201cThat\u2019s not possible. You\u2019ve had experiences with guys, and you know what you like and don\u2019t like about them. Just pinpoint what you\u2019ve liked about your relationships and write it down.\u201d<\/p>\n After strong coffee with dark chocolate, her resuscitated mind began presenting the requested data, and Anna\u2019s pencil flew across the paper.<\/p>\n \u201cBut how do you know this will happen, Katherine?\u201d she paused to ask.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I know you deserve to be happy and have fun in life, like so many people do. So why not you? There\u2019s nothing wrong with you, and you\u2019re allowed to have what you want.\u201d I reminded my baby sister and helped her replace the old mentality responsible for her breakup with a person who would call The One into her life.<\/p>\n Sitting next to her, I suddenly realized I truly believed what I was saying, and it didn\u2019t happen overnight.<\/p>\n At first, it was dry, intellectual knowledge I\u2019d learned from\u00a0self-help books\u00a0(to name a few: Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Carolyn Myss, and Joan Borysenko).<\/p>\n But now, after years of practicing\u00a0the mindset of self-esteem and personal empowerment,\u00a0I seem to have internalized these authors\u2019 wise concepts. In a way, I\u2019ve become them, and now I\u2019m sharing their learnings with my sister \u2014 and you.<\/p>\n For the next month, Anna stubbornly repeated Mom\u2019s mantra and mine: \u201cIt\u2019s for the best, and I deserve to be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n Meanwhile, she added more nuances to her \u2018preferred guy\u2019 list, and then\u2026 he showed up! She bumped into him in the cafeteria at the hospital where she worked; it turns out, they are co-workers.<\/p>\n And, at that point, she was ready to welcome him without an ounce of insecurity about losing him because now she knows you can never lose what is truly yours.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n