{"id":141623,"date":"2024-01-22T09:14:30","date_gmt":"2024-01-22T09:14:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2024\/01\/22\/how-to-come-to-terms-with-the-shame-of-getting-older-as-a-woman-find-the-beauty-and-joy\/"},"modified":"2024-01-22T09:14:30","modified_gmt":"2024-01-22T09:14:30","slug":"how-to-come-to-terms-with-the-shame-of-getting-older-as-a-woman-find-the-beauty-and-joy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2024\/01\/22\/how-to-come-to-terms-with-the-shame-of-getting-older-as-a-woman-find-the-beauty-and-joy\/","title":{"rendered":"How to come to terms with the shame of getting older as a woman & find the beauty and joy"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\"Couple
Couple counting money
\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

With over a dozen anti-aging creams and serums on my bathroom shelf, I\u2019ve been marching in unison with\u00a0a societal obsession to halt the aging process. It seems right after I turned forty, the normal wear and tear of my body became offensive to my existence and detrimental to my self-esteem.<\/p>\n

That is until today, when I realized that I was WRONG about the entire aging conundrum.<\/p>\n

You see, last night I had one of those dreams that was more like a reality TV show than a movie. My older self showed up in her late seventies. Traces of gray hair beneath her dark chocolate highlights. Wrinkled cheeks, upper lip, and neck. Age spots, soggy abs, and thigh cellulite \u2014 my own mom\u2019s worst nightmare.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

However, with a total assault to logic, the old me appeared content. She was smiling broadly, her topaz eyes bright, clear and filled with the teasing light of passionate aliveness. Despite her non-Botox-stuffed face, she was HAPPY.<\/p>\n

She made a huge impact on me, and when I opened my eyes in the morning, I had to question my relationship with this older version of me \u2014 perhaps the most important relationship of all.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how to come to terms with the shame of getting older as a woman & find the beauty and joy.<\/p>\n

1. Understand how we build our perceptions<\/h3>\n

As a mental health professional, I know that our entire reality is\u00a0created from mental conclusions formed in early childhood. When we\u2019re born, our minds are a clean slate, and we look at the world with innocent wonder.<\/p>\n

As we grow older, observing our environment, we form mental conclusions about life, people \u2014 and especially about ourselves. Over the years, these mental beliefs form thick layers of human conditioning \u2014 or lenses of perception \u2014 through which life appears to us<\/p>\n

This is what I call perceptional non-reality. Knowing this, I have to\u00a0re-focus my lenses in regards to aging.<\/p>\n

2. Reevaluate your core beliefs.<\/h3>\n

I\u2019ve been asking myself, what is my core belief about aging?<\/p>\n

What does \u201cgetting old\u201d mean to me? So I write down, getting older means: ugly, decline, disconnected, feeble, depression, loneliness, death.<\/p>\n

Inspired by my dream, I cross out these words and write another, a more useful description of what getting older means to me: Maturity, wisdom, self-knowledge, self-respect, awareness, richness of life experience.<\/p>\n

The image from my dream floats into my mind, and the realization follows: The beauty of my old self\u2019s self-esteem is radiating brightly from within, consuming wrinkles and age spots. Her physical appearance has NOTHING to do with the emotion of happiness \u2014 the most desired state craved by all.<\/p>\n

However, I can\u2019t be happy and in \u201cfighting aging\u201d mode at the same time. I have to make the choice to be happy and old. Year after year. Otherwise, I\u2019ll be paddling against nature, totally wasting my time on unnecessary suffering and stress \u2014 and today, EVERYONE knows that\u00a0stress is not good for the skin.<\/p>\n

3. Choose to age gracefully<\/h3>\n

If I choose to age gracefully, my entire lifestyle evolves into self-love and self-care.<\/p>\n

I choose foods that are good for my body\u2014fresh, natural cuisine to fulfill and satisfy me. I stay active and well hydrated. I exercise my body in ways that are fun and enjoyable.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0keep my mind positive and calm. I focus on the bright side of life while accepting its dual nature. I forgive easily and smile more. I\u00a0recognize no one is perfect\u00a0and people do the best they can, including myself. I criticize less and praise and appreciate more.<\/p>\n

I choose to see my future as vivid and bright, like that bouquet of candles on my birthday cake.<\/p>\n

All these are the signs of healthy maturity \u2014 an optimistic and exciting aging quest worth celebrating.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n