![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/image-12-696x394.png\" "\\"Couple\\"\/")
<\/div>\nOne time in the car coming back from yet another wedding, my partner, Keith and I started talking about what our own would be like. City Hall, we decided. A reception. Only Olympia beer. And pizza.<\/p>\n
You know, just the kind of beautiful traditions that couples have been enjoying for centuries.<\/p>\n
That was a few years ago. We\u2019re still not married and, quite honestly, may never be.<\/p>\n
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Keith and I have\u00a0been together longer than most married couples we know; we passed our sixth anniversary earlier this year. And while we\u2019ve talked about the relative merits of entering into a legal contract with one another, it\u2019s never been especially urgent.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re\u00a0not having children. Buying a house is laughably out of the realm of possibility. We aren\u2019t remotely religious. We like having separate finances. Neither of us has precarious citizenship or needs the protections that come with a marriage.<\/p>\n
I know Keith loves me. I don\u2019t need to bring the local government into it.<\/p>\n
Which leaves the question: what would the purpose of a marriage be for a couple like us, anyway?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve had plenty of time to probe the subject of marriage. At 32, I\u2019ve been to countless weddings. There was a period in my 20s when there was one nearly every weekend in the summer.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve cried at most of them. I\u2019ve joyously celebrated my friends and I\u2019ve rolled my eyes at\u00a0a handful of the more cringeworthy ones.<\/p>\n
Nearly every time I open up Instagram, I scroll past another \u201cannouncement hand\u201d \u2014 sometimes just the hand with the ring, sometimes the hand surreptitiously placed, and sometimes a truly ornate mating ritual that ends with two hands clasped to the face.<\/p>\n
I totally understand why people want a wedding. In American culture, it\u2019s baked into us, especially as little girls. Barbie bridal gowns and movies that close with a chaste yet somehow passionate kiss are the script.<\/p>\n
Whether we mean to or not, we teach kids that the most celebrated, most wonderful thing a woman can do is get married and have children.<\/p>\n
Consider how little we celebrate other life achievements. No one dances to \u201ccelebrate\u201d when a woman starts her own business. When\u00a0a stay-at-home mom manages\u00a0to get 10 minutes to herself, there\u2019s rarely a blowout with fancy invitations. Can I set up a registry when I pay off my student debt?<\/p>\n
This isn\u2019t to say that marriage isn\u2019t important or that it doesn\u2019t serve a role, but when I asked myself the question about why I would want to get married, it was pretty clear that the driving factor was feeling pretty, getting loads of new and flattering photos, and receiving accolades from people I haven\u2019t heard from in years.<\/p>\n
Weddings are, I\u2019ve decided, like the sun. They\u2019re special to the people closest to the event, but the further away you get, the less you feel it. Eventually, all of the stars look kind of the same.<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s with that perspective that I\u2019ve come to the decision that I am agnostic about my nuptial future.<\/p>\n
Keith and I may go down to the courthouse one of these days because we feel like it, but there will be no save the dates. There will be no lengthy vows or poems. There won\u2019t even be a \u201cfirst kiss,\u201d because we\u2019ve lived together for three years and that ship has sailed.<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s not because we\u2019re cool or edgy; it\u2019s just because, once I waded through the tulle and tradition that had been sold to me since I was knee-high, it\u2019s sort of hard to get excited about a sweetheart neckline and watered-down alcohol when I already feel like\u00a0I have a life partner.<\/p>\n
But, I\u2019ll still come to your wedding. I\u2019ll celebrate your love, bring a gift, and, yes, probably cry. But, I\u2019ll also know that it\u2019s not for me and that\u2019s more than okay.<\/p>\n
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