We all have that one ex who refuses to let go of the past. They still think that they have a chance with you no matter how many times you’ve told them that they don’t.
Though it can be harmless, things can get creepy quickly.
I have an ex who has stalked me ever since we broke up 5 years ago. Then, I found out that he named his daughter after me.
Harry was a great guy. We got along well and for the most part, we had a good relationship. We thought that we would end up getting married. It was unusual especially since I was still in my party girl phase and was quite immature. However, Harry saw something in me that he liked and thought was wife material.
At the time we met, he was working in a different city which made it difficult to meet regularly. He would come to my city every weekend so we could spend time together.
After a few months of dating, he applied for a new job position in my city and was transferred. The job was more demanding but he wanted to be close to me so he took it.
I appreciated the gesture but I was not ready for a serious relationship. I felt like things were moving too fast so I took a step back to get some room to breathe.
“What’s going on? You’ve been acting strange ever since I moved closer to you.” He said.
“I just feel overwhelmed.”
“Why? I thought that you wanted this.”
“I do but it’s happening a bit fast.”
“That’s okay. I’ll give you your space.”
Despite his many good qualities, Harry had one big flaw. He was clingy. He didn’t know how to respect boundaries. Unfortunately, he fell in love with a girl who didn’t like clingy people. I like my space and I’m one of the few girls who prefer not talking to my partner every day.
I knew that he wouldn’t give me space. However, he tried. He would go for a day without calling or messaging me but he would call first thing in the morning, the following day. It was a losing battle so I gave in and tried to cope with his personality.
“I want to open a savings account together, babe.” He said.
I was surprised by his offer since we had only been dating for around 6 months but who was I to refuse especially since I wasn’t contributing anything?
“We can use the money for a holiday or something.” He continued.
“That’s okay,” I said.
The following day, we went to the bank and opened a joint savings account. I remember that day so vividly because we had gone clubbing the previous night and I didn’t have any change of clothes so I went with my short dress and sky-high heels. Harry gave me his jacket so I could be warm but I could see how the bank staff was looking at me.
He tried everything to make me happy and make me feel like I was part of his life but I was still not ready to commit fully. Since I didn’t want to waste his time anymore, I decided to end the relationship. He tried everything in his power to make me get back together with him – sending me flowers, asking my friends to talk to me, taking me out on dates – but I had made up my mind and it was hard to change it.
After going back and forth, Harry accepted that the relationship was over. However, he didn’t give up completely. He called me regularly throughout the years to “check up on me” even when he got into another relationship. We had built a good relationship so I stayed in touch but set my boundaries. Of course, he crossed them. He would call me at all hours of the night and message me tirelessly.
“What will your girlfriend think if she sees your messages?” I asked.
“I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just checking in on a friend.”
“Women don’t care. She might feel like you’re giving too much attention to me. I think you should stop messaging me. I don’t want to be the reason you break up.”
“Trust me, that won’t happen. She loves me too much.”
“So you’re taking advantage of her love?”
“No, but I want to stay in touch with you.”
We stayed in touch but when Harry started flirting and asking me to take him back, I knew I had to cut him off completely.
As the years went by, I thought of him less and less until he was completely out of my mind. I was too focused on my things to remember that time of my life. I used to run into some of our mutual friends now and then but we would say our hellos and continue on our way.
5 years after our breakup, I thought enough time had passed for him to still have feelings for me so I unblocked him just to see how he was doing. He had a beautiful picture of his young family as his WhatsApp profile picture.
I thought it was a good conversation starter to congratulate him on his family.
“You’re a dad now?” I messaged him.
He replied almost instantly, “Simi, I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, Harry. How have you been?”
“I’ve been good. Yes, I have a wife and kid now.”
“That’s so nice.”
“Her name is Simi.”
I thought he was talking about his wife’s name which I still found strange that she had the same name as me.
“Your wife?”
“No, my daughter’s name is Simi.”
I knew that Harry was a little bit too obsessed with me but I didn’t think he would go as far as to name his daughter after me.
“Are you joking?” I asked.
“No, that’s her name.” He replied, “I can send you a picture of her birth certificate later.”
I didn’t wait for him to send the certificate. He went back to the blocked list very fast and I pretended like I didn’t have that conversation with him. I’ve never talked about him again and I hope wherever he is, our paths never cross.
