This is a guide to hilariously untangling yourself from toxic twine going forward.
E choke! Another year don finish, yawa don gas, and your phonebook is puffing up like akara in hot oil.
But fear not, fam! New year, new beginnings, and that includes trimming the fat (or in this case, the drama) from your contact list.
So, before you bust out the champagne, consider cutting ties with these fine specimens of human nature:
1. The borrow borrow that doesn’t return
This one’s a classic. You know them: the friends who borrow your phone charger, your favourite Ankara dress, even your auntie’s secret jollof recipe (the audacity!).
But when you need your property back, they’re mysteriously invisible, like vanishing masquerades at the end of the carnival.
Time to say “Adios, abeg!” to these borrowing black holes before they ask for your firstborn.
2. The ones always late to everything
They blame Lagos traffic, Ogun State floods, even the migrating birds for their tardiness. But enough is enough! This New Year, embrace punctuality like a freshly pressed agbada.
Cut ties with the time-wasters and reclaim your evenings for movies, chilling with good friends, or simply enjoying the peace and quiet.
3. The ghosts
These folks are like the disappearing akara during peak hunger pangs. You call, you text, you even send carrier pigeons, but their response is as silent as a masquerade after the music stops.
Save yourself the heartache, fam! Ghost them first and focus on those who show up when it truly matters.
4. The drama magnets
Wherever they go, trouble follows like a fly to a plate of amala. From petty gossip to full-blown beefs, they’re the human tornado leaving a trail of chaos in their wake.
You, my friend, are not Dorothy, and you don’t need to be swept away by their Oz of insanity. Click your ruby slippers three times and say, “There’s no place like peace of mind,” far, far away from these drama queens and kings.
5. The masters of passive-aggression
These folks communicate with subtle jabs and veiled insults, turning every conversation into a Shakespearean tragedy with hidden daggers. Their favourite instrument? The side-eye.
Your best defense? Cutting the cord to their silent orchestra and finding people who express themselves like normal human beings (gasp, the concept!).
6. The energy vampires
Spending time with them feels like your life force is being siphoned out, one sigh at a time. They drain your happiness with their negativity and pessimism, leaving you feeling like a deflated balloon after a birthday party.
Time to break free from their emotional clutches and surround yourself with sunshine people who recharge your batteries, not drain them.
7. The amebos
These folks love gist like mosquitoes love stagnant water. They whisper secrets louder than Alaba market traders, turning your life into a Nollywood soap opera with more twists than Agege bread. Cut them off before their drama infects your 2024.
Bonus tip
If you’re feeling unsure about cutting someone off, start by setting boundaries and communicating your needs. Sometimes, a clear conversation can do wonders.
But if they continue to drain your energy or disrespect your boundaries, don’t hesitate to hit the eject button. Your peace of mind is worth it!
Remember, cutting people off doesn’t have to be a war dance. Do it with grace, humour, and maybe even a sprinkle of sass. After all, you deserve a 2024 filled with positive vibes and genuine connections.
So, go forth, declutter your life, and embrace the joy of having fewer people to explain yourself to and more room for the ones who truly deserve your energy. Cheers to a drama-free, hilarious new year!
