{"id":55942,"date":"2023-04-08T05:56:36","date_gmt":"2023-04-08T05:56:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2023\/04\/08\/my-husband-is-a-good-man-but-ive-fallen-out-of-love-with-him\/"},"modified":"2023-04-08T05:56:36","modified_gmt":"2023-04-08T05:56:36","slug":"my-husband-is-a-good-man-but-ive-fallen-out-of-love-with-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2023\/04\/08\/my-husband-is-a-good-man-but-ive-fallen-out-of-love-with-him\/","title":{"rendered":"‘My husband is a good man but I’ve fallen out of love with him’"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Dear Coleen, I\u2019ve been with my husband for 12 years and we have been married for nine of those. I\u2019m going to be 39 next month and we have a son, aged eight, and a daughter, aged five.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not in love with him any more and want out of the marriage. This hasn\u2019t been an overnight decision \u2013 I\u2019ve been unhappy for a few years.<\/p>\n

We had a big heart-to-heart about a year ago and I told him how I felt.<\/p>\n

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He was hurt and started making a big effort to please me, but it didn\u2019t make any difference to how I felt, which is how I know it\u2019s over for me.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not about specific issues in the marriage (he\u2019s a reliable partner and father), I\u2019ve just fallen out of love and I don\u2019t find him sexually attractive.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s a good person and I\u2019m finding it hard to live with the guilt, and seeing him every day, knowing I\u2019m going to hurt him badly. I\u2019ve confided in a couple of good friends and their \u00adreaction didn\u2019t help, as they seemed shocked and upset.<\/p>\n

I feel like a terrible person. There\u2019s probably not much you can say to make me feel better, but how can I move on in the best way?<\/p>\n

Coleen says<\/strong><\/h3>\n

You\u2019re not a bad person \u2013 it\u2019s just a really sad situation and you\u2019re struggling with guilt because he hasn\u2019t done anything terrible.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s been no affair and he\u2019s been a good, reliable partner.<\/p>\n

I think it can be harder to leave in these circumstances.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure your friends were sad to hear about how you feel and what you\u2019re planning, but they\u2019re not married to your husband. You can\u2019t stay with him because leaving him will upset your friends.<\/p>\n

If you want to separate as gently and kindly as possible, start thinking about how you could do it. Joint counselling sessions can be a good idea to help you through the process.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t know how your husband will react. He may feel very angry and he might not be willing to make things easy.<\/p>\n

But at the heart of this is your children\u2019s wellbeing, so put them first when making any decisions.<\/p>\n

We can\u2019t force ourselves to feel something we don\u2019t and if it really is over for you, it\u2019s better to face it now than carry on for 12 years, which wouldn\u2019t be right for you or him.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure the people close to you will support you both, once they know there\u2019s no going back. Good luck.<\/p>\n

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