{"id":55911,"date":"2023-04-08T05:50:36","date_gmt":"2023-04-08T05:50:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2023\/04\/08\/our-sex-life-used-to-be-hot-but-now-were-in-our-50s-its-gone-stale\/"},"modified":"2023-04-08T05:50:36","modified_gmt":"2023-04-08T05:50:36","slug":"our-sex-life-used-to-be-hot-but-now-were-in-our-50s-its-gone-stale","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2023\/04\/08\/our-sex-life-used-to-be-hot-but-now-were-in-our-50s-its-gone-stale\/","title":{"rendered":"‘Our sex life used to be hot, but now we’re in our 50s it’s gone stale’"},"content":{"rendered":"

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The man isn’t sure whether to tell his friend’s partner (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images\/iStockphoto)
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Dear Coleen,<\/h3>\n

My husband and I are in our early 50s, we\u2019re both fit and healthy, and look a lot younger than we are. We have two kids, who are young teenagers now and I feel blessed to have such a lovely family life.<\/p>\n

My problem is, my husband and I used to have a really good\u00a0sex life. We never had to try at all really and were so \u00adcompatible in that department and it always happened \u00adnaturally and was always great.<\/p>\n

From the beginning of our relationship we were very close and loving, and it felt so special.<\/p>\n

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My problem is, things have gone stale.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, sex feels like an effort with one of us usually too tired or busy with something else. I feel like we\u2019re not as close as we were and wonder why we\u2019re experiencing this now.<\/p>\n

Sex was never an issue when our kids were tiny, even though we were exhausted from\u00a0parenting. My mum friends used to complain all the time about the lack of sex or desire for sex after having kids, but this never happened to us.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m feeling very sad that our relationship isn\u2019t what it was in our 20s, 30s and even in our 40s. What do you think?<\/p>\n

Coleen says<\/h3>\n

I don\u2019t think it\u2019s unusual to get to this stage in life and encounter problems or worries around intimacy. The longer you\u2019re together, the more you take things, and each other, for granted. Your kids are older now and more independent, so you have to start reconnecting as a couple again.<\/p>\n

But you have to consciously make an effort to do that. It\u2019s not enough to acknowledge it and talk about it \u2013 you have to follow through and make plans, and keep the momentum going.<\/p>\n

So instead of sitting at either end of the couch watching telly, think about what you can introduce into your lives to help rebuild a bit of romance.<\/p>\n

It might be taking turns to plan a night out once a week for just the two of you. At home you could have a night where you eat later than the kids, cook something a bit special, put on some music and talk. Plan some things that you liked doing before the kids came along \u2013 gigs, cinema, comedy nights, whatever it was you enjoyed.<\/p>\n

Also, if you start talking about those times in the past and sharing good memories, it really helps to bring you closer. It\u2019s important to work on romance and desire outside the bedroom in your day-to-day lives, then sex won\u2019t feel stale.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a case of not loving or fancying each other. You\u2019ve got too comfortable and stopped making the effort.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to throw away the comfy slippers and put on some sexy shoes!<\/p>\n

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