{"id":128457,"date":"2023-12-07T09:43:37","date_gmt":"2023-12-07T09:43:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2023\/12\/07\/if-these-3-statements-sound-familiar-youre-being-verbally-abused\/"},"modified":"2023-12-07T09:43:37","modified_gmt":"2023-12-07T09:43:37","slug":"if-these-3-statements-sound-familiar-youre-being-verbally-abused","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2023\/12\/07\/if-these-3-statements-sound-familiar-youre-being-verbally-abused\/","title":{"rendered":"If these 3 statements sound familiar, you\u2019re being verbally abused"},"content":{"rendered":"

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This article will be written as if the males are the abusers and the females are the victims, which is true\u00a0according to research\u00a0the majority of the time. <\/p>\n

However, if you are a male who is the victim or a female who is the perpetrator, please just swap the pronouns in your head.<\/p>\n

It is easy to understand that emotional\u00a0and physical abuse can be traumatic. It is also easy to understand that severe verbal abuse (i.e. yelling, name-calling) can be traumatic. However, there are more subtle types of verbal abuse that can be equally traumatic.<\/p>\n

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The abuser could be\u00a0verbally abusing you\u00a0consciously or unconsciously.<\/p>\n

The underlying purpose of the abuse is often to make sure the abuser gets his way, stays in control, avoids being the vulnerable one, or can believe he is \u201cright\u201d. \u00a0<\/p>\n

The victim of the abuse is often the more pliable of the two, trying to adapt and adjust to the relationship situation to make it work.<\/p>\n

Here are three\u00a0statements I\u2019ve heard from victims of subtle verbal abuse:<\/p>\n

1. \u201cI don\u2019t know, maybe he\u2019s right. Maybe it\u2019s me.\u201d<\/h3>\n

2. \u201cI always feel like I am walking on eggshells around him.\u201d<\/h3>\n

3. \u201cI always feel like I\u2019m the crazy one.\u201d<\/h3>\n

One particular couple I was seeing was comprised of a very emotional female and a very repressed, yet successful male. <\/p>\n

She would express some very legitimate feelings about\u00a0some real issues in the relationship\u00a0(this was during the session). He deflected her important statements and made some complaints about her that also were true. \u00a0<\/p>\n

She got more agitated because he was not listening and then he said that this emotionality is what made him think of divorce.\u00a0At that point, he looked at me and said: \u201cYou see the crazy person I live with?\u201d And I responded: \u201cYes and I see the \u2018crazymaking person\u2019 she lives with.\u201d<\/p>\n

As you can imagine, that was an interesting session that continued with the hope that this subtle verbal abuse (it was subtle until he called her crazy) would be recognized by him as provocative and unacceptable.<\/p>\n

The verbal abuser has a hard time owning his stuff. The victim often takes too much responsibility for the relationship problems.<\/p>\n

If you recognize yourself as a victim or a perpetrator of subtle verbal abuse, do yourself a great favor and\u00a0get some professional help. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Subtle verbal abuse can deprive both partners of a healthy and robust marriage.\u00a0It saps the emotional and physical health of each person, especially the victim. It can trigger old wounds and deprive those involved of\u00a0healthy self-esteem. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Low self-esteem\u00a0can affect how people are in their other relationships and it can lower the chances of career and financial success. Please address this problem.\u00a0There is a\u00a0reason to hope.<\/p>\n

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