Your love for him is blind, irrational, and self-destructive.
Women will ignore their brains when it comes to men. Infatuation dilutes our ability to reason, and we ignore our gut instincts that a man is a relationship risk.
We’re impulsively drawn to men who are good-looking, incredibly charming, and aloof, and we love men who make us feel uncertain, insecure, and lovesick. We base our relationships on chemistry and passion, all while rejecting the guys who are considerate, dependable, and doting (aka “relationship material).
Dr. John Gray, a relationship expert, says that single women and men should first develop their relationships using logic and reasoning, moving to their hearts and ultimately an intimate connection.
Good advice! It’s all about learning how to control your emotions.
Falling in love with a good man can be a logical, rational, conscious decision that’s not based on knee-jerk attraction and tingling sensations. That, by the way, fades with time.
I believe, as single women, we do recognize the warning signs of a man’s unreliable, discourteous, and deceitful behavior, and we suspect him to be a potentially undesirable partner.
Why then do we continue to date him, fall in love with him, and commit to him when our internal voice screams, “Run! Run! Run for your life!”
I believe, as women, we sense when a man is distorting the facts, denying the truth, twisting our words, unjustly blaming us, and discounting our worth as human beings.
Why then do we discount and minimize his hurtful behavior?
Why do we continue to love and even cling to a man who cheats on us, who won’t commit to us, who won’t communicate with us, who emotionally and physically abuses us, who won’t take responsibility for his hurtful behavior, and even cruelly dumps us?
Our love-sick emotions minimize the obvious signs, such as:
- He’s quick-tempered and insulting to others. This means he will demean and disrespect you.
- He’s evasive, his facts don’t match up or he exaggerates the truth to his friends or family. He will lie and deceive you.
- He’s unpredictable and he does not follow through on his word. He will be unreliable and untrustworthy in a relationship with you.
- He bad-mouths his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend and he denies all responsibility in his failed relationships. He will unfairly criticize and blame you.
- He’s non-communicating while dating you. He will be withdrawn, tight-lipped, and withholding in your relationship.
- He’s jealous and controlling while you’re dating him. He will be super-controlling and abusive when you commit to him.
Be honest, which of these women are you?
The Reality-based woman: You examine the facts when considering a potential boyfriend or husband. You weigh the positive and negative aspects of man’s behavior and personality and you don’t minimize his bad behavior. You keep your emotions and your desires in check while considering a relationship with him and you make a logical decision whether to continue dating him or move on to a more suitable man.
The Fantasy-based woman: Your emotions and imagination affect your sensibilities. You appraise a man with your desires, sentiments, and passion. You operate in denial, subconsciously (or knowingly) disregarding the warning signs of a man’s hurtful behavior, you justify his bad behavior and you impulsively fall in love with a man who’s destined to maltreat you.
Girlfriend, pull your head out of the sand! You know you recognize a man’s bad behavior and you sense the truth about his undesirable character — but you let your longings and emotions control your relationship decisions.
Want to stop your cycle of dating and falling in love with the wrong man?
Here are 7 small things the most alluring women do to find the right guy:
1. Stop trying to fall in love
Instead, consciously try to find a good man to fall in love with.
2. Guard your emotions
Realize that everything a man says or does in the early stages of dating is nothing more than sweet talk!
3. Date more than one man at a time
Dating multiple men can curb your emotions and inhibit you from casually sleeping with a man because if you do, you’ll feel sleazy and unethical.
4. Trust your intuition
Keep a diary of a man’s desirable traits, as well as his objectionable behavior. The hard facts will confirm what your intuition suspects.
5. Trust your girlfriends
When your girlfriend tells you the man you are dating is a jerk — believe her!
6. Stop romanticizing about a man
Dating in hopes of a serious relationship is delusional and disappointing.
7. Pay no attention to the butterflies
Ignore the tingling, throbbing, love-sick feelings you experience about a new man. Understand that it’s a natural part of your need-a-man longings.