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<\/div>\nJust\u00a0two months after dating, Danny asked me to marry him. I brushed him off. He said, \u201cI\u2019m serious. I want to get this thing done with and be free.\u201d <\/p>\n
I looked at him and his countenance. He looked serious. I told him, \u201cHey, there are two things I don\u2019t joke about within life; Death and marriage. <\/p>\n
I don\u2019t go about telling people that someone is dead when indeed the person is alive. The same way I won\u2019t ask someone to marry me when I know I\u2019m joking. <\/p>\n
These two are very expensive jokes. If you\u2019re joking with me, please stop it because it\u2019s not funny.\u201d <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He said, \u201cI\u2019m not joking. Is it because I didn\u2019t go on one knee with a ring in my hand that\u2019s why you don\u2019t believe me? I\u2019m ready. Let\u2019s get married.\u201d<\/p>\n
We were standing outside. The sun was almost setting. I looked around and found a short wall on the left of where we were standing.<\/p>\n
I walked toward the wall and sat down. He came close. He said, \u2018I\u2019m serious.\u201d I responded, \u201cNo I\u2019m not ready to marry. I\u2019m also serious.\u201d He looked like my answer had shocked him. Now he was the one asking if I\u2019m serious. I repeated myself, \u201cThere are two things I don\u2019t joke within life. <\/p>\n
Death and marriage. I\u2019m not joking.\u201d He sat next to me and we were quiet for a while. He asked, \u201cSo when?\u201d I told him, \u201cI will be ready when I get the hunch that it\u2019s the right time for us to get married.\u201d He said calmly, \u201cWhenever you\u2019re ready, I would be ready too.<\/p>\n
Two months. Just two months of being together, he was asking for marriage. I felt it was too early. There were questions I had to ask. <\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t want to ask him straightforward and get an answer from him. I wanted to know the answer to his actions. <\/p>\n
From his own words and from how he does what he said he would do. Those things take time to know. I don\u2019t know how long but definitely it doesn\u2019t take just two months to know it all. I wanted enough time. <\/p>\n
Time to ask questions day after day and get the answers from his actions. Two months is just the flowery stage of a relationship. Nobody goes wrong. <\/p>\n
Nobody says the wrong thing. Nobody gets angry. And nobody\u2019s real character comes to the fore at the flowery stage of a relationship. Hence the request for more time.<\/p>\n
He took it the wrong way. He thought I was having doubts about him or he thought I was killing time with him just to wait for the right man. He started pulling away from me slowly.<\/p>\n
I realised it and I asked questions. He was frank with me so I explained things to him in clear language. We did a year together and did two years together. I found him trustworthy. <\/p>\n
He had his shortcomings. He had his red flags but those were things that wouldn\u2019t eat into the fibre of any relationship. They were the little issues every human has. The \u201cbut\u201d that comes after the good. I got the hunch and the hunch said, \u201cHe\u2019s the one.\u201d<\/p>\n
I told him I was ready. He was happy but then requested a year to prepare. I said, \u201cOk. There\u2019s no rush here. Let\u2019s prepare to get it right.\u201d A year came. He wasn\u2019t ready. Another year passed by, he wasn\u2019t ready. \u201cWasn\u2019t this the same person who was ready to marry four years ago? So what happened? What changed?\u201d I posed these questions to him and he said, \u201cWhen I said I was ready, I had the money and I had the right frame of mind.<\/p>\n
Now I have the right frame of mind but the money isn\u2019t sufficient. Just one more year and we\u2019ll be fine. Don\u2019t have doubts. Don\u2019t grow worried. Just believe.\u201d<\/p>\n
I believed but I was cautious in my faith. Call it doubt and you may be right. But he came through a year later as he promised. Within six months, we were able to put together all the things we needed to get married.<\/p>\n
We did the traditional wedding on a Friday morning. On a Saturday morning, \u201cI wore my white wedding gown and he wore his black tuxedo. We held hands as the pastor prayed for a beautiful marriage for us.<\/p>\n
When the choir sang the \u201cOh happy day\u201d hymnal, it made sense to me. When they sang, \u201c\u2026Well may this glowing heart rejoice, And tell its raptures all abroad,\u201d it captured the state of my heart and the state of every heart that was present.<\/p>\n
We left the church with a happy heart believing that we were going to have a happy marriage.<\/p>\n
And we did. For a year and a half, we\u2019ve been largely happy. We haven\u2019t faced any problem that we haven\u2019t been able to solve. We\u2019ve had our fights but we\u2019ve always fought fair. We\u2019ve had moments we were angry with each other but we didn\u2019t allow our anger to get the best of us. Little issues here and there but what\u2019s marriage without these little issues?<\/p>\n
October 2021 was my husband\u2019s thirty-fourth birthday. We didn\u2019t plan to have a huge birthday party. We planned something for just the two of us. It was a simple plan; we\u2019ll go to one of the posh restaurants in town, order meals and drinks, eat and have fun until late in the night when we\u2019ll both come home. <\/p>\n
Everything went according to plan except for one minor hitch. It was minor until it blew out of proportion. It\u2019s that same minor hitch that has caused me to share this story here with you.\u00a0<\/p>\n
My husband doesn\u2019t know how to drink. We dated for five years and had a lot of parties. He never drank anything alcoholic during those parties. But that day, on his birthday, he ordered a drink that was too much for him to handle.<\/p>\n
It knocked him off his balance and off his clarity. He started talking anyhow and very loudly. He was drawing attention to our table so I called a taxi, held his hand to the taxi and we drove home. <\/p>\n
In the taxi, he talked about everything. He even brought our sex life into the conversation without regard to the presence of the taxi driver. <\/p>\n
That was when I realised the thing goes deeper than I figured.<\/p>\n
We got home, I helped him take off his shirt and helped him to bathe. I walked next to him until he got to the bedroom and lay on the bed. <\/p>\n
I went to shower too and came to join him in bed. He was a little bit calm when I returned so I asked him, \u201cHave you ever done this before? I mean the state you\u2019re in, has it happened to you before?\u201d He screamed, \u201cYeah! I was with Anita.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
That was the first time in our lives that I was hearing that name. I asked, \u201cAnita?\u201d He answered, \u201cYeah, Anita. She is the only girl I\u2019ve ever loved. That girl, she is fine roff. If you see her today, you\u2019ll bow. <\/p>\n
She has a thick behind and is very voluptuous. You can\u2019t take your eyes off her when you see her. I say you go bow.\u201d <\/p>\n
The conversation was going sideways but the statement he made, \u201cShe\u2019s the only girl I\u2019ve ever loved,\u201d caught my attention so I decided to probe further.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened between you and Anita?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I wanted her, she was already with someone. I pushed. She said the only reason she couldn\u2019t be with me was because of the man she was with. Do you know one funny thing? She became single when I found you.<\/p>\n
We were two years together but I wanted to be with her. We started talking but she later went back to her boyfriend. <\/p>\n
Two months before our wedding, she called to tell me she was available. The way it pained me. I should have had patience. A little bit of patience and I would have ended up with her. Now, look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, you regret marrying me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI regret not marrying Anita. I still talk to her though. I don\u2019t know. It looks like she still likes me.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was dozing off as he was telling me all this.<\/p>\n
I should have recorded him. I didn\u2019t think the conversation would go that far, I would have had the courage to pick up my phone to record him.<\/p>\n
I was torn between two; \u201cIs he saying all these because he\u2019s drunk or it\u2019s the truth?\u201d He woke up the next morning with a severe headache.<\/p>\n
He walked around the house looking for a painkiller while I was in bed thinking about everything he said the night before. When we settled for the morning, I asked him, \u201cDo you know anyone called Anita?\u201d He was taken aback.<\/p>\n
The first thing he did was check his phone. He asked, \u201cDid she call last night?\u201d I answered, \u201cShe didn\u2019t call. You told me her story and how you regret not marrying her.\u201d He smiled. He asked, \u201cI said that?\u201d I nodded my head. He said, \u201cThat\u2019s a lie! How would I tell you all that? What for?\u201d I answered, \u201cYou tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
For days we argued. At first, he denied saying it. Later he said, \u201cIf I said it then it\u2019s because of the situation I was in that night.<\/p>\n
I wasn\u2019t in control of my thoughts.\u201d I said, \u201cYeah you were not in control but it doesn\u2019t mean everything you said were lies.\u201d We argued again. He said what he told me were lies. <\/p>\n
They were just fabrications coming from an intoxicated mind and nothing else. I said, \u201cOpen your phone. Let me see the conversation between you two.\u201d He got up angrily and walked away. <\/p>\n
He shouted, \u201cIf you believe what I told you when I wasn\u2019t in control and won\u2019t believe what I\u2019m telling you when I\u2019m in control, then the problem is you. Deal with your insecurity and leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been months but it still hurts to think about everything he told me that night. That I was a choice he made because his first choice wasn\u2019t available doesn\u2019t hurt me as his regret for marrying me. I want to stop thinking about it. <\/p>\n
I want to move on with my life and pretend that night didn\u2019t happen but the thought of that girl lurking in the dark always scares me. They talk.<\/p>\n
The girl likes him and he likes her too. Talk about gasoline and fire. How can I rest when I know this fire can burn anytime soon.<\/p>\n
It could even be burning, how would I know. This is what keeps me awake at night. This is what keeps me restless when he\u2019s out and late.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
When I see him whispering on his phone, it gets me worried. When I see him texting and smiling, it drives me bonkers.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Am I thinking too much? Am I creating a storm in a teacup? Or my feelings and fears are valid. What do I do next?\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n