Open and honest communication is characteristic of faithful and loving relationships. Solomon addressed the subject in Proverbs 27:5\u20136: \u201cOpen rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful\u201d (KJV 1900).<\/p>\n
Nineteen proverbs identify one thing as \u201cbetter than\u201d another. In Proverbs 27:5, open rebuke is better than secret love. Open rebuke speaks of straightforward, direct correction of another person\u2019s wrongs without reserve or secretiveness. Such a rebuke may sting at first, but a healthy reprimand can be a genuine expression of love:<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights\u201d (Proverbs 3:12, NLT; cf. Hebrews 12:6; see also Revelation 3:19). Throughout the book of Proverbs, open rebuke is presented as a good and valuable form of instruction. Those who respond correctly to it are \u201con the pathway to life\u201d (Proverbs 10:17, NLT).<\/p>\n
They are considered \u201cwise\u201d and \u201cunderstanding\u201d (Proverbs 9:8; 15:5; 17:10). But those who scorn and reject rebuke are on a path to poverty, disgrace, destruction, and death (Proverbs 1:23\u201326; 15:10). Open rebuke is better than secret love because \u201cin the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery\u201d (Proverbs 28:23, NLT).<\/p>\n
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For this reason, the psalmist prayed, \u201cLet the godly strike me! It will be a kindness! If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Don\u2019t let me refuse it\u201d (Psalm 141:5, NLT). We can trust a rebuke from a godly person because we know the motivation is heartfelt concern for our welfare. \u201cRebuke the wise and they will love you,\u201d declares Proverbs 9:8.<\/p>\n
Secret love refers to love that is unknowable, invisible, closed off, ignored, or withdrawn. Such love has given up and doesn\u2019t even bother to tell a friend his faults. Even unpleasant, disciplinary interaction is preferable to no communication or an apathetic attitude that doesn\u2019t care enough to express concern for our well-being.<\/p>\n
It takes courage and genuine love to speak plainly to a friend who needs correcting. A true friend shows love through time and attention, even if that attention sometimes takes the form of a rebuke. Secret love lacks the courage to speak out or act and instead allows a friend to go on sinning.<\/p>\n
But God\u2019s love calls us to intervene compassionately (Job 6:14; Proverbs 3:27; 17:17; Romans 12:9\u201310; Galatians 6:2; Philippians 2:3\u20134). James explained, \u201cMy brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins\u201d (James 5:19\u201320).<\/p>\n
Jesus also made it clear that, among believers in Christ, open rebuke is better than secret love: \u201cIf your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over\u201d (Matthew 18:15). The apostle Paul reiterated the principle: \u201cDear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.<\/p>\n
And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself\u201d (Galatians 6:1, NLT). Open rebuke is better than secret love highlights the need for honest communication and meaningful interaction with the people God has placed in our lives. Few things will destroy a relationship faster than apathy and being ignored.<\/p>\n
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