{"id":1034151,"date":"2022-03-25T13:09:54","date_gmt":"2022-03-25T13:09:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2022\/03\/25\/a-heart-so-full-her-chipped-teeth-were-an-afterthought\/"},"modified":"2022-03-25T13:09:54","modified_gmt":"2022-03-25T13:09:54","slug":"a-heart-so-full-her-chipped-teeth-were-an-afterthought","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2022\/03\/25\/a-heart-so-full-her-chipped-teeth-were-an-afterthought\/","title":{"rendered":"A heart so full, her chipped teeth were an afterthought"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\n
\"\"<\/div>\n

By then, the pair had been getting to know each other for about six months. <\/p>\n

They met in August 2017, when Ms Friedell, 32, appeared on an episode of a now-defunct dating podcast that was co-hosted by her friends and produced by Mr Fernandez, 35, in Oakland, Calif.<\/p>\n

He grew up in San Francisco and San Leandro, Calif., before graduating from the University of California, San Diego, and later receiving a master\u2019s of public administration degree from the University of San Francisco. Ms Friedell was raised in Golden Valley, Minn., and moved West after graduating from St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minn.<\/p>\n

Right away, Mr Fernandez, who goes by Alex, said he was \u201cpretty smitten\u201d with her \u2014 so much so that he forgot to hit record after Ms Friedell arrived. He \u201cdefinitely laughed a whole bunch,\u201d she said, \u201cand specifically at my jokes, which really wins me over.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

On the episode, Ms Friedell, who is Jewish, discussed why she would never date a Catholic, telling the podcast\u2019s co-hosts Yassi Davoodi and P.J. Cruz that her reasons included the religions\u2019 divergent views on everything from God and Jesus to the afterlife and shame.<\/p>\n

Despite being raised Catholic, Mr Fernandez, who is Filipino, by then mostly attended mass on religious holidays and said he had other qualities that Ms Friedell told the co-hosts she sought in a partner. He also wasn\u2019t put off by her aversion to the faith, he said, because \u201cI understood the religion I was raised in to be more varied than the way Kyra thought it was.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"A
The bride, who is Jewish, and the groom, who is Filipino, incorporated elements from both of their cultures into the outdoor ceremony.Credit\u2026Carolyn Fong for The New York Times<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Though the two had chemistry enough that Mr Cruz said he could feel \u201cthe energy between them\u201d at the recording session, Ms Friedell was then dating someone else. Her relationship ended later that month. But shortly afterwards, her younger brother, Seth Friedell, died suddenly.<\/p>\n

Mr Friedell was in the United States Air Force and received a military funeral in Shreveport, La., in addition to service in Golden Valley. <\/p>\n

Attending both required Ms Friedell to leave Oakland for several weeks.<\/p>\n

On the day she returned in October, Ms Friedell attended a trivia night that Ms Davoodi and Mr Cruz had planned so she wouldn\u2019t be alone. Mr Fernandez was also there. When it ended, he drove Ms Friedell home.<\/p>\n

What he considers their first date happened later that month when the two had a picnic on the grounds of the Oakland Temple, a Mormon temple that overlooks San Francisco and its namesake bay.<\/p>\n

\u201cDespite the many signals to me that this was a date,\u201d Mr Fernandez said, it was clear that Ms Friedell, who was still grieving her brother, \u201cnever identified it as such, so I couldn\u2019t just lean in and ask her for a kiss.\u201d<\/p>\n

More of these one-on-one hangouts followed, as did more get-togethers with Ms Davoodi and Mr Cruz, which included a game of doubles badminton, a sport that Mr Fernandez had played in high school.<\/p>\n

While Mr Fernandez still mostly kept his feelings for Ms Friedell to himself, Ms Davoodi would find ways to remind her of them. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to overdo how great I thought Alex was, but I told her he\u2019s the real deal,\u201d Ms Davoodi said.<\/p>\n

The following February came the Presidents\u2019 Day weekend that cemented their relationship.<\/p>\n

While they were drinking Coronas at Double Dutch, a bar in San Francisco, someone bumped into Mr. Fernandez from behind, causing him to stumble into Ms. Friedell as she was swigging from a bottle, which slammed into two front teeth that she had already damaged in a monkey-bar accident as a child.<\/p>\n

The incident left her with chipped enamel and the need for new crowns. But Ms. Friedell said she hardly even thought about her teeth in the days that followed because she was so content spending time with Mr. Fernandez.<\/p>\n

\"A
At the reception, attendees mingled outside and indoors amid an exhibit titled \u201cThe NASA Experience.\u201d\u00a0Credit\u2026Carolyn Fong for The New York Times<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Toward the end of the holiday weekend, as they sat on her couch eating ice cream, \u201cI remember the two of us grinning at each other and being like, \u2018This weekend was pretty perfect,\u2019\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Mr. Fernandez said that, \u201cmore than anything, the comfort I felt with Kyra that weekend really solidified the potential for our relationship.\u201d He added, \u201cEvery point of connection was intimate and cozy like we\u2019ve had this weekend a hundred times and will continue to have them for a lifetime more.\u201d<\/p>\n

As they grew closer, Ms. Friedell said that Mr. Fernandez\u2019s character made her reconsider her preconceived notions about Catholics. They found ways to fuse their cultures, including through cooking: Brisket in adobo and challah with purple yam, for instance, became favorite dishes to prepare.<\/p>\n

In January 2019, the couple adopted a mix-breed rescue dog that they named Surly. Two years later, they bought a fixer-upper duplex in Oakland, which they\u2019ve been mostly renovating themselves since moving in.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe knew it would be a lot of work and it would suck,\u201d said Ms. Friedell, a senior researcher at the software company Salesforce in San Francisco.<\/p>\n

But the experience has been a healthy test for their relationship, according to both Ms. Friedell and Mr. Fernandez, who is now the senior business operations manager at Rivet School, a company in Richmond, Calif., that offers online bachelor\u2019s degree programs.<\/p>\n

In May 2021, he proposed by reciting a list of 30 things he loves about her.<\/p>\n

No. 12: \u201cBecause we both want to leave the party at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n

No. 20: \u201cBecause you agree to hold my things in your purse.\u201d<\/p>\n

No. 30: \u201cI think I wanna marry you.\u201d Mr. Fernandez delivered the last reason, a lyric sung by Bruno Mars, through tears, and chose it because Mr. Mars is of Jewish and Filipino descent.<\/p>\n

\"A
The menu included paella, which was prepared in view of guests. Credit\u2026Carolyn Fong for The New York Times<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

On Feb. 19, they were married at the Chabot Space & Science Center in Oakland\u2019s Joaquin Miller Park. Katherine Peterson, a friend of the bride who was ordained by the Universal Life Church for the occasion, officiated before 160 guests, all of whom had to show proof of vaccination upon arrival.<\/p>\n

Mr. Fernandez and his groomsmen wore barongs, a style of dress shirt from the Philippines. Ms. Friedell wore a backless white jumpsuit that she accessorized with a veil made by the groom, who took up sewing during\u00a0the pandemic.<\/p>\n

The outdoor ceremony was held on the center\u2019s grounds and incorporated elements from the bride\u2019s and the groom\u2019s cultures. <\/p>\n

In the Jewish tradition, they were married beneath a huppah and broke a glass. Following the Filipino custom, the two were draped with a veil and had a rope tied in a figure-eight pattern placed on their heads.<\/p>\n

At the reception that followed, attendees mingled outside and indoors amid an exhibit titled \u201cThe NASA Experience.\u201d The cross-cultural celebrations continued on the dance floor, where the couple and their guests did both the hora and a money dance in which cash was pinned to the bride and groom.<\/p>\n

In her vows, Ms Friedell cited qualities shared by Mr Fernandez and her deceased brother, which include fierce loyalty and a penchant for mischievous grins. She also noted how improbable their romance had seemed at first.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe reality is there is almost nothing about our lives that we held in common prior to dating,\u201d she said, adding that now, \u201cWe see our differences as complementary, as fortitude for our relationship and the relationships around us.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bride also thanked the groom\u2019s family for treating her as such while she was still mourning her brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I met you all, my grief was fresh and I was hyper-aware of losing the person who called me sister,\u201d she said. \u201cBecoming part of your family, gaining new brothers and sisters, cousins, aunties and uncles couldn\u2019t have come at a more impactful time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mr Fernandez, whom Ms Friedell said has always made their relationship fun, channelled that playfulness in his vows.<\/p>\n

\u201cI vow to remember new people\u2019s names for you, to sometimes tell you the wrong one on purpose,\u201d he said. \u201cIs it Ken, is it Kent? I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

He also emphasized how fortuitous their relationship has been from the start.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow lucky are we?\u201d Mr Fernandez said. \u201cTo have lived full lives and then to have found each other, realizing we have not lived at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"A
For the wedding, Ms. Friedell donned a backless white jumpsuit and Mr. Fernandez wore a barong, a style of dress shirt from the Philippines.Credit\u2026Carolyn Fong for The New York Times<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n