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Dear Coleen,<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m hoping for some advice on my marriage, as I feel very guilty about forming friendships with other men that my husband knows nothing about. <\/p>\n We\u2019re both in our mid-40s, have been married for 12 years and have one daughter. I\u2019ve always worked from home, even before the pandemic, while my husband goes into an office. I\u2019ve got to know our local area and the people really well and have made lots of connections.<\/p>\n Over the past few years, I\u2019ve become close to several men and the \u00adrelationships have all been very flirtatious and we\u2019ve connected over social media and messaged each other.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n First, it was a trainer at the gym, then one of the dads from school, then a much younger guy who works in a local \u00adrestaurant, and there have been more.<\/p>\n Nothing sexual has happened with any of them, although I did kiss one a few times and know it would have gone further if I hadn\u2019t stopped it.<\/p>\n I always stop things before they cross a line into sex, but then I go looking for someone else. I can see that it\u2019s a pattern and I\u2019d love to know what you think I should do.<\/p>\n Coleen says<\/strong><\/p>\n It sounds as if you have a very strong need to feel desired, get attention from other men, and to know that guys still want you.<\/p>\n That\u2019s all coming from \u00adsomewhere and maybe the roots are in your past or it\u2019s because you\u2019re craving something you\u2019re not getting from your husband. Is he not making you feel attractive and wanted?<\/p>\n So you need to think about what\u2019s driving this pattern. If it\u2019s something that\u2019s lacking in your husband and your marriage, then you need to address it with him and work through it.<\/p>\n If it\u2019s something from your childhood or teenage years \u2013 maybe you had to fight for attention or felt overlooked \u2013 then counselling would be a good place to start. I suspect it\u2019s coming from a place of insecurity. You\u2019re still fighting for \u00adattention when you don\u2019t have to.<\/p>\n However, you\u2019re fooling yourself if you think it\u2019s not damaging your marriage or you\u2019re not really doing anything wrong because sex isn\u2019t involved.<\/p>\n Becoming emotionally intimate with these men is still cheating and the lies and secrecy are damaging.<\/p>\n So think about your motivation and if you still don\u2019t understand why you\u2019re doing it, then try therapy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n