There comes a time in one’s life when we quit being picky or overly insensitive in relationships. It is the age when we take things slowly, weigh decisions, make decisions for you and your future self. Basically, you should know what you want and what does not serve you.
At this point, everyone – male and female – is an actual work in progress. Perspectives are been put in their right views. Prayer points are changing.
It is the age when you accept that it is not okay to be grey and bitter over the wrong choice you made. Having a case of “I could have made this work, I could have done things differently” is no longer acceptable.
Here are a few things people do that makes them lose a good thing quickly:
It takes effort to see things that are not there, and you really do not want to direct your energy into this negatively yielding effort. More often than not, this stems from unresolved past issues. As such, if you have not gotten that much-needed closure; if you have not forgiven yourself or the ex, have not cried the past away to the point of peace, THEN DO NOT venture into another relationship. If you do not do this, then you would never be at peace in your new relationship. You will drive it to insanity and you would not even realise till it’s gone. Oh, one more thing, following your guts might not benefit you as it might just be you looking for things that are not there.
Letting your friends in –
“3 is a crowd” is not something to be taken lightly in relationships. Some friends say a list of things they can never handle in a relationship but be knee-deep in one themselves because they are in love leave you making stupid conclusions. It is a good thing to let it all out and talk to friends, it really is, but sometimes this kills things faster when you don’t have mature, reasonable friends. Sometimes your friends mean well, but they might not know what is best for you. Ultimately, have a mind of your own.
High expectations –
Comparison is the thief of joy, but this is something that has become a part of the foundations of your relationship. Your partner just never seems to do the right things; if they do not get you “enough” gifts on your birthday, it is why their preferred means of contact is via WhatsApp. It ruins things pretty quickly. Actually, very quickly.
If you are not okay with these “enough’s”, that is fine, but it is totally childlike to let these be dealbreakers, especially if they have done a bit. Step in partner. Show them how you want to be cared for. It could be that they are expressing their love through their love language and are yet to understand yours. Take the lead this time: Do things for them, take them to dinner, buy what you can afford or go all out if you can. It really is the little things. If your partner is a good one and you know it, then make them feel good too. If they are true to you, then they would respect and see you differently.
Staying When Conditions Are Not Right –
If there is one advice you should take, it is staying with someone who makes you unhappy while you have someone that is guaranteed to give you the entire world left on “read” is not healthy. It is okay to be all about what makes you happy. Have the conversation with your present and move on to your future. Make sure your future has prospects and ambition, and not just the “feel good!” experience.
The key is building something. Nurturing. Stop finding the flaws in everything. Instead, run a soul-search check by asking if you would want to date you?
There are certain things you need to educate yourself about. After you have learned to love yourself, you must understand that because of the difference in backgrounds, there are people who need others to show them what love is. If this is what you find is the problem your partner has and is trying to make an effort to have a blossoming relationship, then be willing to put in the work to teach them.
Also, learn to apply wisdom in your relationships. More importantly, DO not ever stay with a physical abuser, even if they raise their hands in jest, leave in permanent jest too.
Above all, put yourself first. No one knows you better than you.