Elvis was doing his national service when he proposed to me. He was a cool guy and all but I wasn’t feeling the connection. I thought if I kept talking to him and allowed some time between us, something would probably grow so for the next three months or so I kept telling him to give me some time to think about it. I thought about things. I kept him in my mind and kept him very close to see if something might grow in me but nothing. I just couldn’t feel him. He came to visit me often in the house and my parents and siblings knew him as my friend. I won’t say he didn’t do his best to get me to say yes but sometimes it happens. That a guy would do all he could and still can’t win.
So one day he said, “It’s about time you told me the truth. Do I have a chance with you?” I told him; “I’m sorry but I don’t feel the connection between us. You’re a good guy. I’ve come to love your personality but anytime I think of you as a boyfriend the whole thing loses its spark. If you can give me some time to figure things out, maybe we could be together or something.” I could see he didn’t like my answer or that wasn’t the kind of answer he expected. He tried keeping a straight face but the disappointment was written all over him.
He didn’t leave me. He kept coming around, hoping someday I would change my mind. It was within that period that George proposed to me and I accepted. The day he got to know I had accepted to date George, he called me; “Tell me it’s not true.” I said, “I can’t lie to you. It’s true.” He asked: “When did that guy come into the scene? What do you see in him that you don’t see in me?” I wished I had a perfect answer for him but when I tried answering his questions words failed me. I said, “I don’t see anything in him that you don’t have but there’s this connection—this vibe between us that makes it easier for me to say yes to him.”
From that day on, things changed between me and Elvis. He stopped calling and stopped coming to see. When I commented on his post on Facebook, he’ll jump over my comment and respond to every other person’s comment. I got the message. He had moved on. He didn’t want to have anything to do with me so I stopped trying.
A year or so later, I heard from my junior sister that Elvis had traveled to Canada. I asked her, “How did you know?” She answered, “He told me himself.” And then she said something that took me aback. She said, “We have been talking for some time now.” I asked her, “Talking? What have you been talking about?” My junior sister is the jovial type so it’s hard to know when she’s serious and when she’s not. She just made a joke out of my question and left the scene.
One year later, my junior sister told me, “Elvis says I should extend his greetings to you.” I said, “You guys are still talking?” Again she laughed it off. I went on Facebook Messenger and messaged Elvis; “My junior sister told me you asked of me. If you want to know about me then why don’t you talk to me?” That message was seen and read but I never had any response.
Two years later, on my junior sister’s birthday, Elvis wrote a very revealing post on my junior sister that suggested the two of them were dating. My junior sister went under the post and said something like, “Thank you so much, dear. I can’t wait for that day.” I went under the thread and asked, “What day are you guys talking about that I don’t know?” Minutes later, I went to check if my comment had been responded to and I didn’t see the comment. It got deleted.
My suspicion grew. My sister wouldn’t talk about it and Elvis wasn’t talking to me so I couldn’t ask him anything but deep down I felt there was something going on. I asked my sister on several occasions and she denied it.
In August 2017, I was going through the hardest heartbreak of my life. I’d lost George and was nursing my broken heart when my mum called to have a conversation with me; “Do you know your junior sister is getting married to your friend?” I asked, “Which friend?” My mum said, “That your friend who was coming here some time ago. He’s in abroad now.” I didn’t say another word. My mum kept ranting and ranting. All I did was nod my head. Actually, I didn’t hear anything she said. Not knowing, Elvis had been speaking to my Dad about his plans to get married to my sister and plans were far advanced before my mother told me about it.
Again, I ran into Elvis DM; “Are you doing this just to get me jealous or what? You’re going after my sister when you’ve proposed to me and I had said no to you? Why would you do that? I thought you were a gentleman. So if I said yes to you, you still would have had eyes for my junior sister? You should be ashamed of yourself.” I kept talking and talking. He read it and said nothing. It was like I was standing at a cemetery screaming at the dead.
February 2018 Elvis got married to my junior sister while I sat on the side waiting and wishing the ceremony would be over soon so I go home and sleep. Six months after marriage, my sister packed bag and baggage and left the country to live with Elvis. Elvis was in Ghana for three months, came home every day until he got married to my sister but not once did he say a word to me. He spent all his days trying to avoid me. Even when it became unavoidable to talk to me, he found a subtle way to avoid me.
And since they got married and my sister left to stay with him, I’ve never heard from her. She calls home and talks to my parents all the time and in the end tells them, “My greetings to Philippa.” All I get from her is a greeting. All these make me think the two of them are on agenda to get me hurt and it’s Elvis’ idea that my sister cut ties with me.
And I hate him—I hate him with everything in me.
—Philippa