When it comes to relationships and what makes it work, there are a lot of theories – love, sacrifice, communication, etc. – these days people make it seem as though money and spending are reserved for the bench. But let’s talk turkey and cut to the chase, shall we?
Every lady wants the same thing in a relationship; someone they can vibe with, one they can share memories and special occasions with. Forget about those who deceive you into thinking that it has nothing to do with the money because eventually, it comes down to it. No matter how less demanding your lady partner might seem, she expects you to pamper her with gifts or something she knows you spent money on every now and then. This truth is beyond dispute: that you can not be in a fruitful, happy and situation-free relationship if you’re close-fisted.
No matter how much you try to rationalize with her concerning spending perhaps due to a lack on your side or being frugal in order to save for the future, you’d still have splurge some cash someday if you want to avoid unexpected nags and constant fickle attitude. After all, one cannot make omelette without breaking an egg. For ladies, love is not merely to be confessed and harboured in one’s heart, it has to be expressed and made tangible.
While there are categories of ladies who might be ‘considerate’ about how much one can spend on them, there are those who ‘demand’ that you’re overly expressionistic. To the latter anything short of the gifts, shopping, outings, and all the niceties brook an insipid taste in the relationship. Then there are those who make no demands at all, they may seem cavalier about whether you spend on them or not.
Forgetting their birthdays and memorable occasions may result in no qualms whatsoever. Mind you, these are the ones who have within them, emotional ticking bombs. With time, they flare up and you’re flooded with an avalanche of your shortfalls. They incubate memories that never fade. I have heard a lot of people assert that those are the ladies who deserve everything and need to be spent on. But consider this, between a lady who is upfront with demands and won’t hide her desire for financial and material pampering and one who creates the impression she’s down with whatever and wouldn’t even ask for a pesewa, who would you rather be in a relationship with? The bottom line is that no matter which of those two ladies you meet and whether you don’t mind being extravagant or are austere, you’ve got to spend if you want that relationship to thrive.
Some guys seem to think that how much they are willing to spend should be hinged on what the lady is bringing to the table. In an ideal setting, this couldn’t be argued. However, every guy should understand this, that not all economics theories apply in a modern-day relationship; demand and supply may not count. Sometimes, it’s just supply and supply. Guys, don’t take things on the face value when you are in a relationship with a lady who keeps assuring you that it’s not about the money because as that relationship inches closer to marriage, the money factor and your ability to spend cannot be ignored. Even if you get lucky and are able to sail through to marriage, it will all start to be about the money. So while you nurture your relationship, you should never let this truth depart your consciousness, that every now and then, you’ve got to dig deep into your pocket or as we like to say, “show something.”
For a great relationship, money shouldn’t come from one pocket alone. What is the essence of any relationship if it’s not mutually beneficial to each of the parties involved? So yes, even though men may be considered as natural spenders in any relationship, it doesn’t stop women from contributing their quota. So if you are a lady reading this and your idea of a relationship is to take, take, take, then I urge you to let it remain so; an idea, because in the real world, you are also expected to give.
Even if you find yourself in a relationship where the man insists on footing the bill all the time, it shouldn’t dissuade you from spending. These men may even try to make you feel bad for picking the tabs. Men with their ego just like to show off. But I tell you what, every man admires and appreciates a lady who every now and says, “you know what, I got this.” After all, I don’t know whether there’s ever been a situation where a relationship broke up because the guy was unhappy his lady decided to also spend. I have heard many people talk about partners sitting down to plan how they spend with respect to who spends and at what time.
I say that just as a lady would expect her partner to surprise her with gifts and other goodies, the decision for her to spend should be spontaneous and not one that she’s coerced to do. When one considers her relationship as an investment which assures dividends of love and peaceful co-existence, then spending becomes not an option, but a responsibility. Just as a lady with a partner who doesn’t spend might flare up with complaints one day, a man who feels he spends alone might have cause to grumble as time goes on. So ladies, if you expect your man to “show something,” you should also “do something,” after all, it is said that what men can do, women can also do or even better.
Samuel Obeng Appah