The Fastest Way To Lose A Good Thing

A couple on a date | Photo: Shutterstock

There comes a time in a man’s life when we quit being picky or overly insensitive in relationships. It is the age to take things slowly, weigh in decisions, make decisions for you and your future self. This is the time to know what you want and what does not serve you.

At this point, everyone – male and female – is an actual work in progress. Perspectives are been put in their right views and prayer points, changing. It is not okay to be grey and bitter over the wrong choice you made. Having a case of “I could have made this work, I could have done things differently” is not acceptable as not everyone gets back from this.

For the female folks, we’ve have listed a few ways ladies lose a good thing quickly:

Overreacting 
Jumping knee-deep into conclusions is the best way to lose things. This usually stems from unresolved past issues. So, if you haven’t gotten that much-needed closure; if you have not healed, if you haven’t forgiven yourself or the ex, if you haven’t cried the past away to the point of peace, THEN DO NOT venture into another relationship. For the sake of peace, avoid driving your new relationship into insanity.

Letting your friends in 
3 is a crowd is not something to be taken lightly in relationships. Bitter friends are amongst us. Friends that’ll say a list of things they can never handle in a guy/relationship but be knee-deep in one themselves because they are in love. Have a mind of your own and learn how to filter information. Better still, get focused friends. It is a good thing to let it all out and talk to friends, but sometimes this kills things faster when you don’t have mature, reasonable friends.
True, sometimes your friends mean well, but they don’t know what’s best for you, only you do.

High expectations
Always complaining he doesn’t take you out enough. He doesn’t get you “enough” gifts on your birthday. He does not take you to dinner, ugh, and how broke can he be that he does only “Whatsapp calls. If you aren’t okay with these “enough’s”, that is fine, but it is childish to let these be dealbreakers especially if he has done a bit.

Step in girl. Show him you can also handle things. Take him to dinner. Do things for him. Buy what you can afford or go all out if you can. Surprise him. He has definitely spent a lot on you the few months you’ve been together so why don’t you just return the favour. If he is a good man and you know it, then make him feel good too. If he is true, then he would respect and see you differently. The same energy he puts to make you feel special should be reciprocated and he should not have to ask.

Comparing him to your ex’s
This cannot be overemphasized. Do not go into another relationship thinking all men are like the last 2 you have dated, by yourself. No!! It ruins things pretty quickly, actually quicker than you think.

Gut your Guts
Follow your guts might just be you looking for things that are not there. Sort your issues out before you get into something new. Except you are not up for something serious, then by all means, do not go looking for relationship benefits from him and being mad at him if he decides to respect your wishes. Focus Sis!

Staying Unhealthy 
Most importantly, staying with someone who makes you unhappy while you have someone that is guaranteed to give you the entire world left on “read” is not healthy. It’s okay to end something if it affects your mental health. It’s okay to be all about what makes you happy. Have the conversation with your present and move on to your future. Make sure your future has prospects and ambition, not just the “feel good!” experience.

The key to having a beautiful relationship is nurturing. Stop finding the flaws in everything. Check yourself out and ask if you would want to date you?

After you have loved yourself genuinely, then you would be ready. Also, most people are on a journey to find out what love really is. If you find someone willing to put in the work, ensure you are ready to receive it.

Also, pray because you can do the right thing for the wrong man or the right man and something still goes south. Apply wisdom.

More importantly, learn to walk away from something that does not serve you or your peace. Do not ever stay with a physical abuser. If he raises his hands in jest, leave in permanent jest too.
Above all, put yourself first. No one knows you better than you.