marriage<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nAfter six years of marriage, Angela, 32, a legal practitioner, discovered that most evenings she was alone in the house with a toddler for company. Her husband, Tom, also a lawyer is self-employed.<\/p>\n
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\u201cWaiting for him to come home from yet another meeting with prospective clients became the norm\u201d, said Angela.\u00a0 \u201cAs a third partner in a firm of legal practitioners, he had to put in as much efforts as the others. Tom and I had got together at the university and back then, we\u2019d been in the same wild gang; always partying, laughing \u2013 and slipping off to make love whenever we could.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, even when he was home, he barely noticed me. Was he bored? Or has he found someone else?<\/p>\n
\u201cSome months back, we attended a club warming party. One of the boys in the group in our university days, Abu, had just taken over ownership of a night club and most of our friends would be there. As soon as Abu spotted us, he welcomed us with a big smile.\u00a0 `The golden couple is here\u2019, he announced.\u00a0 `Makes it feel as if we\u2019ve been married for 50 years\u2019, Tom groaned. I didn\u2019t find that funny but I forced a laugh. Was that how he felt?<\/p>\n
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\u201cIt was fantastic seeing everyone after such a long time, but Tom promptly left to mingle with his friends. I sat with a few of my old friends, knocking back glass after glass of wine. I was sitting alone at one stage wondering where my marriage was headed when Abu sat next to me.\u00a0 `Cheer up, woman, it could be worse!\u2019, he teased. Then he glanced at Tom, how he was having a laugh with his friends and he looked at me with pity. \u201cTom\u2019s very distant with you, is everything alright?\u201d\u00a0 He frowned. I glared at him. He quickly started telling his silly jokes, and in no time at all, we were laughing together.<\/p>\n
As we left the club, he whispered that Fridays were ladies\u2019 night. If I could get a baby sitter, I was most welcome to attend. He even hinted some of our female friends came from time to time. So, come a few Fridays later and I found myself watching a boring programme on telly, I told the maid I was off to my mum\u2019s and took my son with me. I called Tom to tell him where I was going to and he was okay with it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m very close to my mum and told her what I was up to. If Tom called, I was with my brothers.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was a bit early for action at the club, so Abu and I had a snack and some wine in his plush office. I\u2019d never thought of him as sexy before. But now the air was charged with expectation as his jokes became more daring. To this day, I can\u2019t remember how we both became clinched in a hot romp.\u00a0 All I remember thinking was that I\u2019d mixed feelings this sensual and wild. The lovemaking that followed was slow and intense until we were both exhausted. Afterwards, he cuddled up to me for post-sex drinks and nibbles.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was very touched, he\u2019d given me back my sex appeal. `Thanks, I said softly as I got dressed to go back to mums. `It was my pleasure\u2019, he said, kissing me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank goodness Tom hadn\u2019t even call to find out about us, so I raced home.\u00a0 He was having his late dinner when I got home and was glad I was having fun. He told me the firm had taken on a few more hands and that there would now be time for us. He was grateful for my being so understanding, but I was resentful. Why couldn\u2019t he make as much effort with our marriage as he was making with his job?\u00a0 We were virtually newly-weds and he\u2019d taken too much for granted I was tempted to make Abu\u2019s club an escape route. But I couldn\u2019t do that. I love my husband and I intend to work harder to make the marriage worthwhile \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnce upon a time, marriage made women an offer they couldn\u2019t refuse\u201d, says a marriage counsellor.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt provided an acceptable way to have and rear children. But that is no longer the case. Women can support themselves. And there is no stigma in being a single mother. Now women expect a husband to be more than a provider. They have a romantic notion of find a friend, an equal, a soul mate and a lover all rolled into me. And if one man doesn\u2019t match up to requirements then maybe the next one will.<\/p>\n
\u201cMost people still enter marriage with the best intentions. But when that marriage hits the first patch of bumpy ground they see only two options open to them They tend to think it\u2019s a case of stay and be miserable or get out. Society tells us we shouldn\u2019t put up with it. But what couples often don\u2019t realise is that there is a third way, which is trying to understand what\u2019s happening and finding ways to resolve their conflict\u201d.<\/p>\n
VANGUARD<\/p>\n
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