{"id":645381,"date":"2019-06-25T17:49:13","date_gmt":"2019-06-25T17:49:13","guid":{"rendered":"
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\"5<\/p>\n
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\"5<\/figure>\n

How can you finally tell him no?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Before meeting my husband-to-be, I was in a relationship with a guy who would only show interest in me after I decided to break up with him.<\/p>\n

To get me back into his orbit he would swear I was the love of his life. As soon as I returned, he would go cold as a dead snake on an iceberg.<\/p>\n

What made me take him back more times than was healthy for anyone\u2019s tender self-esteem?<\/p>\n

We give ourselves a lot of reasons, but the bottom line is that when we allow a guy to treat us as less important than we really are, our self-esteem is critically injured.<\/p>\n

Once our self-worth is low, it is too easy for the ex to come over the wall of our good defences and pillage what\u2019s left of our confidence.<\/p>\n

What remains is fear. Fear that this jerky guy is as good as it gets. Fear of never finding love again. Fear of being alone with a dozen hungry cats for the rest of your life.<\/p>\n

This fear is so awful we make excuses (cognitive distortions) to stay in a bad or even a \u201cnot good enough\u201d relationship.<\/p>\n

Result? The discomfort of sticking with him is not nearly as scary as what your distorted thinking is imagining life without him is like.<\/p>\n

So you stay put. What\u2019s a girl to do? Fight back those nasty, distorted, self-esteem abusing thoughts with empowering, righteous, healthy goddess thoughts, of course!<\/p>\n

While you may find it hard to leave your lover or learn how to break up with someone, especially someone toxic, here are some typical distorted thoughts with which we lie to ourselves, and suggestions for strong self-esteem building self-talk to combat them:<\/p>\n

1. Instead of, \u201cI\u2019m afraid of being alone\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tell yourself: \u201cI am not alone. I\u2019m with Me. I am good company. If I get lonely, I can check out a website or connect with friends I haven\u2019t seen in ages. Most importantly, this time is an opportunity to dive into the world of Me and, for a change, listen to my heart first rather than someone else\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Instead of, \u201cBut the sex is so good\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tell yourself: \u201cSweetie, it\u2019s time to grow up. The toxic effect he has on my self-esteem when we\u2019re not in bed is not worth the price. If I am that revved up, I might just explore the exotic, erotic world of self-stimulation. A lot of people say their best orgasms are experienced alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Instead of, \u201cI\u2019ve invested five years in this guy; I can\u2019t start all over now\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tell yourself: \u201cImagine yourself at 50 and you\u2019re thinking, \u2018Why didn\u2019t I get out when I had spent only five years with this jerk instead of 25!?’\u201d<\/p>\n

4. Instead of, \u201cHe says he needs some time to [fill in the blank] before he can make a commitment\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tell yourself: \u201cWhat is this? A relationship or a layaway program? In the service of self-respect, I will not wait for you unless we have a mutually agreed up, reasonable plan. Without that, you can look me up when you are done crossing all your t\u2019s and dotting all your i\u2019s. You take your chances that, by then, I will still be interested.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Instead of, \u201cHe\u2019s as good as it gets\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tell yourself: \u201cNo, Baby, he\u2019s not. If being with him does not make me feel great about myself, I won\u2019t settle! This experience, as bad as it was, has not been a total waste. It\u2019s made me wiser, so when a guy who is true and kind and worthy of me does show up, I will recognize him.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve counselled a lot of women who came to me to help them get unstuck from a hurtful relationship. Once they took the leap and faced their fears, they find the power to break up a bad relationship for good.<\/p>\n

The result? A whole new level of happiness and pride because the engine of their self-worth is fueled \u2014 not from the outside-in, but from the inside-out.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0628 \u0648\u0631\u062f\u067e\u0631\u0633<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How can you finally tell him no? Before meeting my husband-to-be, I was in a relationship with a guy who would only show interest in me after I decided to break up with him. To get me back into his orbit he would swear I was the love of his life. As soon as I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":645382,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-645381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"\n5 Ways To Leave Your Lover - Ghanamma.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/25\/5-ways-to-leave-your-lover\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"5 Ways To Leave Your Lover - Ghanamma.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"How can you finally tell him no? 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