{"id":643121,"date":"2019-06-22T12:38:48","date_gmt":"2019-06-22T12:38:48","guid":{"rendered":"<br><div>\n<figure class=\"fff post-thumbnail\" itemprop=\"associatedMedia\" itemscope=\"\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\"><img class=\"post_layout_5_img\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.ghana-mma.com\/2019\/06\/Angry-couple.jpg\" alt=\"5 Excuses people give for cheating t"},"modified":"2019-06-22T12:38:48","modified_gmt":"2019-06-22T12:38:48","slug":"5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Excuses people give for cheating that are total lies"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><\/p>\n<div>\n<figure class=\"fff post-thumbnail\" itemprop=\"associatedMedia\" itemscope=\"\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"post_layout_5_img\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/Angry-couple.jpg\" alt=\"5 Excuses people give for cheating that are total lies\"\/><\/figure>\n<p><strong>As written by someone who used to be a cheater.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There have probably been a million articles written about why people cheat, but they\u2019re almost never written by the right people.<\/p>\n<p>Sure, there are some written by people who\u2019ve been cheated on. And there are a bunch written by people who continue cheating in unhappy relationships and marriages, offering excuses for their infidelity.<\/p>\n<p>But I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever read an article about why cheaters cheat written by someone like me \u2014 someone who was a cheating spouse and who was unfaithful most of her life, but has finally broken the cycle for good.<\/p>\n<p>People like me are the best ones to answer the question, \u201cWhy do men and women cheat?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/fRBjuJVrcss\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>See, I get it better than most.<\/p>\n<p>Just so you know, I haven\u2019t cheated in years and I\u2019m still with my husband.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t believe I will ever cheat again, and that\u2019s something I\u2019ve never been able to say before.<\/p>\n<p>And yes, my husband knows everything \u2026 or at least anything he wanted to know, and everything that mattered.<\/p>\n<p>So as a person who has done the hard work \u2014 and\u00a0<em>believe<\/em><em>\u00a0me<\/em>, it was hard \u2014 to heal from a life of infidelity and come out the other side with a deeply happy marriage, I want to bust five popular myths about why people cheat in relationships.<\/p>\n<p>Because if we keep believing these lies, we will just keep cheating.<\/p>\n<p>There are real reasons why people cheat, but we have to understand how the truth about cheating has been twisted before we can understand the motivations before we can understand infidelity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Cheaters don\u2019t really love their partners<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Total BS!<\/p>\n<p>Cheating has nothing to do with love. At least not in most cases.<\/p>\n<p>I loved the people I cheated on more than I could explain, particularly my husband, and I still cheated.<\/p>\n<p>Why? Because cheating and love are totally unrelated.<\/p>\n<p>So, what\u2019s the reality?\u00a0Most chronic cheaters I know are actually more likely to cheat when they care a lot for someone.<\/p>\n<p>Because loving someone that much is actually terrifying. Cheating is a way of establishing a self-sabotaging boundary around their hearts, or setting up a backup plan in case the person they love dumps them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2. Cheaters are all narcissists or psychopaths<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Some cheaters might be narcissists. But you don\u2019t have to be a narcissist or a sociopath to cheat.<\/p>\n<p>The \u201call cheaters are narcissists\u201d theory is based in the lie that you have to have little to no empathy for others in order to cheat.<\/p>\n<p>If you could empathize with the hurt you\u2019d cause your partner, you wouldn\u2019t cheat, right?<\/p>\n<p>Wrong.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So, what\u2019s the reality?<\/strong>\u00a0We all do things that hurt our partners, even knowingly. For instance, we might spend money on things that don\u2019t matter, knowing it takes money away from important family expenses.<\/p>\n<p>We may say something cruel in the heat of the moment, something we know will hurt the person we love. We might tell a lie to get something we want or conceal bad news, only to be found out later.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t have to be a sociopath to do those things. Just like you don\u2019t have to lack a conscience to cheat.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re bad choices you knowingly make, not because you are cruel, but because you are human and probably have some issues you need to work out.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Cheaters are sex addicts<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Again, possibly. Some people don\u2019t believe sex addiction is real, and that\u2019s fine. Others feel that claiming you\u2019re a sex addict when caught cheating is just a way to shirk responsibility.<\/p>\n<p>If sex addiction\u00a0<em>is<\/em>\u00a0real, it\u2019s probably different type of addiction like other process addictions \u2014 more of a compulsion. Shopping addicts, gambling addicts, and even plastic surgery addicts have a compulsive need to perform a behavior.<\/p>\n<p>But are all cheaters sex or love addicts? No way.<\/p>\n<p>So, what\u2019s the reality?\u00a0Cheating is a bad choice most likely rooted in a deeper issue, just like every other bad choice we make.<\/p>\n<p>We can figure out how to stop cheating if we get to the root of why we keep making the same bad choice over and over again. It requires brutal honesty with yourself, and a willingness to accept that you are broken, in some part of yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Your cheating is not the boss of you. You just need to grow up and realize it. As \u201chigh\u201d as you might feel with your side-piece, you are not actually addicted to them.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4. People cheat because they aren\u2019t getting what they need from their partners.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Nope.<\/p>\n<p>This is victim-blaming BS.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, it\u2019s likely that cheaters are in imperfect relationships. But get this \u2014 everyone is in an imperfect relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone is disappointed by their spouse sometimes. Everyone feels isolated and lonely from time to time. And in the course of a lifetime together, you\u2019re going to have sex issues at some point.<\/p>\n<p>I used the excuse of my husband\u2019s sometimes cruel behavior for why I cheated on him. But the truth is, it was always me who chose to cheat. I never needed to.<\/p>\n<p>I could\u2019ve relied upon myself to get through our hard times. And more importantly, if I\u2019d been truly present in my marriage, we might have been able to get help earlier.<\/p>\n<p>So, what\u2019s the reality?\u00a0We\u2019ve been told this lie for so long, now we use it as an excuse to cheat, even if subconsciously.<\/p>\n<p>The brutal truth? I cheated because I was afraid to truly love my husband without a backup plan.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I also sought out the \u201chigh\u201d of having someone care about me and lust after me. That gave me a sense of worth, long after I was grown enough to know better.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>A guy who cheated on me explained (many years later) that he used cheating to \u201ctreat\u201d his depression.<\/p>\n<p>Keeping his life in chaos by juggling four or five partners at once, trying to keep track of all the lies, and having so many women feed his ego kept him from having to truly feel his despair.<\/p>\n<p>Sure, I was an imperfect partner to him, but he cheated because he chose to. A million couples have imperfect relationships and never choose to cheat.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5. Cheaters will always be cheaters, it\u2019s simply their nature<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There may be cheaters who always cheat, but that\u2019s not because it\u2019s in their DNA (though there is evidence a gene may influence who is most likely to cheat) or because cheaters can never change.<\/p>\n<p>A report by ABC News explains\u00a0this so-called \u201cthrill-seeking\u201d gene like this:<\/p>\n<p>In what is being called a first of its kind study, researchers at Binghamton University, State University of New York (SUNY) have discovered that about half of all people have a gene that makes them more vulnerable to promiscuity and cheating.<\/p>\n<p>Those with a certain variant of the dopamine receptor D4 polymorphism \u2014 or DRD4 gene \u2014 \u201cwere more likely to have a history of uncommitted sex, including one-night stands and acts of infidelity,\u201d according to lead investigator Justin Garcia.<\/p>\n<p>But that still doesn\u2019t mean cheaters are plagued to cause misery the rest of their lives.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCheetahs never change their spots\u201d? Tell that to the millions of cheaters who stopped cheating, and to the millions of families over the course of modernity who managed to stay together after infidelity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So, what\u2019s the reality?<\/strong>\u00a0Trust needs to be rebuilt, and that takes time. A lot of time. And a lot of work.<\/p>\n<p>Both partners need to figure out how they contributed to making a cruddy marriage, but the cheater needs to figure out how not to cheat, and for every cheater, that answer is going to be different.<\/p>\n<p>Therapy, counseling, a healthier lifestyle, or something along the lines of finding meaning in religion or a higher purpose in life are all options.<\/p>\n<p>Some couples even open up their relationships or become polyamorous as a solution, though that does not mean a cheater should make sex with outside partners a condition of staying together.<\/p>\n<p>It is rare that marriages are happier when open, but it happens. I\u2019m just saying that the possibility may exist for you, if you both feel that polyamory is more natural for you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Believing these cheating myths only serves to keep us in unhealthy relationships.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Worse, they prevent us from fighting for relationships that are worth saving.<\/p>\n<p>So let\u2019s all grow up and leave these lies behind.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"ctx-article-root\"\/>  <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a style=\"display:none\" rel=\"follow\" href=\"http:\/\/megatheme.ir\/\" title=\"\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0628 \u0648\u0631\u062f\u067e\u0631\u0633\">\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0628 \u0648\u0631\u062f\u067e\u0631\u0633<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As written by someone who used to be a cheater. There have probably been a million articles written about why people cheat, but they\u2019re almost never written by the right people. Sure, there are some written by people who\u2019ve been cheated on. And there are a bunch written by people who continue cheating in unhappy [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":643123,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-643121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>5 Excuses people give for cheating that are total lies - Ghanamma.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"5 Excuses people give for cheating that are total lies - Ghanamma.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"As written by someone who used to be a cheater. 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There have probably been a million articles written about why people cheat, but they\u2019re almost never written by the right people. Sure, there are some written by people who\u2019ve been cheated on. And there are a bunch written by people who continue cheating in unhappy [&hellip;]","twitter_creator":"@ghanamma","twitter_site":"@ghanamma","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Ghana News","Est. reading time":"7 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/"},"author":{"name":"Ghana News","@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/#\/schema\/person\/53d06a757a4242f113d200e3c290c036"},"headline":"5 Excuses people give for cheating that are total lies","datePublished":"2019-06-22T12:38:48+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/"},"wordCount":1443,"commentCount":0,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"","articleSection":["Lifestyle"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/","url":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/","name":"5 Excuses people give for cheating that are total lies - Ghanamma.com","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"","datePublished":"2019-06-22T12:38:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/#\/schema\/person\/53d06a757a4242f113d200e3c290c036"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/06\/22\/5-excuses-people-give-for-cheating-that-are-total-lies\/#primaryimage","url":"","contentUrl":""},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/","name":"Ghanamma.com","description":"News In Ghana - Latest Ghana News Headlines","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/#\/schema\/person\/53d06a757a4242f113d200e3c290c036","name":"Ghana News","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/22cb97c2b08df229330efb2b8c2645feaae8d3ca3ee434035fbb668b5b82f570?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/22cb97c2b08df229330efb2b8c2645feaae8d3ca3ee434035fbb668b5b82f570?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/22cb97c2b08df229330efb2b8c2645feaae8d3ca3ee434035fbb668b5b82f570?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Ghana News"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/643121","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=643121"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/643121\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=643121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=643121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2019\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=643121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}